Rant and rattle of the week

i attended my first Toastmasters meeting on Tuesday this week. it was a wonderful experience and i truly enjoyed it. for those of u who dont know, Toastmasters is an international public speaking club. they have different sets of manuals that each member have to go through to attain the skill of public speaking. my boss invited me to come as a guest for the meeting in my company and since im interested, next Friday she will take me to the meeting in Kulim Golf's Club and i shall join in there as a member...he ha! cant wait! i found out something during the meeting, that is one of the senior staff in my company, about 50 years of age sleeps hugging a koala bear doll...hehehe! and since that day,everytime i see him,i cant help but ask,"Sir,how's ur koala bear?" and he will start hitting his head with his hand:D

i got my new PC now..no need to suffer with Pentium 2 anymore...i set spidy as my wallpaper and since that day,i have become famous:)) The Assistant Manager sitting beside me came and told me yesterday,"people are asking me how come i have got a spiderman sitting beside me"..My boss asked me to email her the wallpaper..and another Manager in my department came and asked me where i got it from..hmmm...spiderman is really helping me with my public relations in the company..way to go spidy:D

the other trainee working with me left yesterday..im pretty sad..she was such a nice girl,gonna miss her so much..they gave her a watch and a keychain..i wonder what they will give me? keeping my fingers crossed for a new polyphonic handphone..dream on girl:D

work pretty much increased for the week..tonnes to do next week too...getting close to my boss,she even help me to look for jobs..wonderful..:)

congrats

i forgot to add something important..CONGRATULATIONS TO THE 2004 GRADUATING BATCH..well done nalin, harith, shanx, chia, yamuna, gayithri, lavaniya, yoharaj, and all those whom i know. cant wait for my graduation ceremony new year..yahoooooooo!!

yeah shanxie.. i know i told u i will join the league of average gentleman and skip my graduation but i changed my mine..what to do..im such a "lalang" he he.!

anyway..here's a tribute to you..shanx sent me this url..interesting..check it out ppl!

http://www.wired.com/news/digiwood/0%2c1412%2c64311%2c00.html

aiyoh!

so angry with yahoo..trying to find source code for save button function for reference at work tomorrow and some other things crop up..arghhh!

on top of that, i can hear TV advert..pillow talk,bernie chan saying "my money is my money, your money is my money" how irritating..woman like this make other women look as if they are just out there for their bf's or hubby's money..why? are we helpless creatures who cant earn our own? i wouldnt want a single cent from my bf or hubby just to spend for my own..his money is his money..my money is my money..when it comes to family life, it becomes our money..better! aiyo! too irritated..im not talking sense anymore.. time to google...:D

Sting - The Book Of My Life

i was listening to Sting again and reading the song lyrics..this one really touched my heart again and again..the words are so true..

Let me watch by the fire and remember my days
And it may be a trick of the firelight
But the flickering pages that trouble my sight
Is a book I'm afraid to write

It's the book of my days, it's the book of my life
And it's cut like a fruit on the blade of a knife
And it's all there to see as the section reveals
There's some sorrow in every life

If it reads like a puzzle, a wandering maze
Then I won't understand ‘til the end of my days
I'm still forced to remember,
Remember the words of my life

There are promises broken and promises kept
Angry words that were spoken, when I should have wept
There's a chapter of secrets, and words to confess
If I lose everything that I possess
There's a chapter on loss and a ghost who won't die
There's a chapter on love where the ink's never dry
There are sentences served in a prison I built out of lies.

Though the pages are numbered
I can't see where they lead
For the end is a mystery no-one can read
In the book of my life

There's a chapter on fathers a chapter on sons
There are pages of conflicts that nobody won
And the battles you lost and your bitter defeat,
There's a page where we fail to meet

There are tales of good fortune that couldn't be planned
There's a chapter on god that I don't understand
There's a promise of Heaven and Hell but I'm damned if I see

Though the pages are numbered
I can't see where they lead
For the end is a mystery no-one can read
In the book of my life

Now the daylight's returning
And if one sentence is true
All these pages are burning
And all that's left is you

Though the pages are numbered
I can't see where they lead
For the end is a mystery no-one can read
In the book of my life

 

Bagavath Gita… The modern version

 
While on the way to work today, I had a short discussion with dad about the Bagavath Gita.

I had tried reading the book a few times but could not understand it. In fact, the book had forewarned that a master is needed to help comprehend the Hindu bible. If it is interpreted wrongly, the reader will be led to the wrong path.

I am not very sure if the great Mahabharata epic as illustrated in the book really happened years ago or not but I know that the great battlefield of Kurushektra exists in India.

Anyway back to the topic of discussion.. in the bible, there was a scene in the battlefield where Krishna will be driving a chariot and Arjuna will be holding  bow and arrow in his arms, ready to kill the enemies. When they reach the battlefield, Arjuna will face all his enemies consisting of his childhood friends, his own brother Karna, and the teacher who taught him how to use bow and arrow and also the teacher who taught him the art of self-defense. Seeing them, Arjuna threw his arrow on the ground and told Krishna, ‘ I can’t kill these people. They are my loved ones’ and Krishna replied ‘Kill them, they are already dead’.

When I read this part, I really could not understand the whole point. Kill your loved ones? What kind of teaching is that? This is what my dad told me..

Krishna is actually the spiritual master and Arjuna is all of us, you..me..every human in this world. The enemies in the line, those are our thoughts, our un-exhaust able mind. When the master teaches you the art of finding peace and God within yourself, all these kinds of unwanted thoughts disturb you. That was why Krishna said, “Kill them” which means throw away those thoughts and get into the peace within.

Ever sat in one corner and try not to think of anything? Hard to do, right? All kinds of thoughts floods in. Your responsibilities, your nieces, your spouse, your car etc etc etc. These thoughts are your enemies.

There. enlightenment on one part of the gita. I just don’t understand why it wasn’t written in a straightforward manner. Anyone care to explain?

!

thats it..i have officially lost faith in mankind..but i dont ill wish those who hurt my feelings. i just dont want to see you people again. just go away..just go away..enough is enough..im getting it all in one go..blow after blow..how much can i tolerate? why why why? is this the reason why we are born? to ruin another person, to gossip, to hurt, to disturb, to find faults, to fool around? im very sad..truly sad. you make me shed tears every night. i pray to god asking him where have i gone wrong? i have never had any bad thoughts about you people..never..then why does things happen the wrong way to me? is trusting a person wrong? ahhh..i have given up. no more complains. you will see changes from now on..faith all gone..

mind ur own biz

 
You know what, you are not my problem. I don’t care what you think of me. I don’t care how you assess me. I don’t care what you want to talk about me. I don’t need to impress you or gossip about you. I don’t know how to be put up a fake face and be nice to you. I don’t need to explain things to you. If I don’t like you, I don’t like you. That’s it. I don’t gossip about you nor do I sit and evaluate about you. I never bothered you in the first place. Just because I am nice enough not to be sarcastic or harsh with you, you start dancing on top of my head? I am just by myself, doing my work, getting things done my way. I never asked you to come and get to know me. I am independent. I don’t need company to have lunch with nor do I need to sit and talk about unnecessary things. Then why are some of you so bloody itchy to come and talk to me and as usual invade my peace and privacy and when I have got things of my own to do, you get upset, treat me like a stranger and start evaluating me? When I am eating alone, was I giving out mental signal saying  ‘I’m lonely, please come and talk to me?’ No! I enjoy sitting by myself and read my books. I have my own set of friends with whom I am very comfortable with. You might think why I am mixing with people whom you will never bother talk to in the first place. Well, I am not like you. I don’t evaluate people according to rank or position or color or looks. As long as they are nice, that’s good enough. I don’t need to know each and every one of you. What would I get in return? I hate it when people like you come and talk to me, ask questions about me and then gossip about other people. What do I care if someone is married twice? What do I care if someone is stingy? What do I care if someone is wearing a wig? What is your damned problem whom I talk to and whom I don’t? These are information that does not concern you or me and is not beneficial in anyway. When I have nothing to comment, you start judging me and ignoring me. Why? Do I look like a complete fool to you? I don’t know how to talk sweetly to impress people. I don’t see the benefit of it. I am aiming high in life and bothering about other people is the last thing in my mind. You come to me for help, no matter who you are, if you are a good person, I will help you and I don’t expect anything in return. But if you come to me with an agenda in your mind, if you come to me because u want to use me for your benefit and then throw me once you are done, if u come to me because you like what you saw or if you come to me because you want to include me in your mess, then forget it. I am a very independent and confident woman. As long as I live, I don’t need help from people like you. Like I said, you are not my problem. I will just forget about your existence and get on with my life. I don’t cross your path as usual so be a woman and don’t cross mine. Screw people like you! What kind of mentality is that?

Kama sutra disgustingly redefined

  
 
An article in the star newspaper under ‘stories for my mother’ prompted me to write this.
 
Just like the writer, my email inbox is currently being flooded with spam and junk mail. Everytime I open my mails, it feels as if I am being stripped off my dignity. Titles such as “watch hot mothers squirt” or “watch virgin brutally raped” or “watch 16 year old blonde screw her pet” tarnish the attraction of my inbox. Titles like this make me sick and totally disgusted. I have tried blocking these addresses until the blocking quota is already over the limit. Yet, similar messages from other addresses still flood my mail.
 
I just cant believe that there are people out there who make a living out of these kind of rubbish and there are people out there who subscribe to this kind of service. Sex sells, I know but what is the whole point? Instant gratification? Unlimited pleasure? How long does it last? Does it give permanent happiness?
 
What kind of psycho finds satisfaction in watching a rape video? I shudder to think that these kind of people too exist in this world.
 
Sex is to strengthen the bond between man and woman. It is also to continue the generation but why is it that now, there are so many varieties of sex? Doing it with pets? Oh god..what did the poor creatures do? Raping kids who don’t even know what is happening to them? Brutal sex..why? Enjoyment in pain? What is happening to the human mentality?
 
Everywhere I go, everything is littered with sex. From simple advertisement, TV shows, email, websites, daily life, everything is sex. A girl can’t even walk in complete privacy of her own. If she is not disturbed, she will be stared at, at all the wrong places. Revolting!
 
If this is the direction the world is heading, I quiver to think of the future generation. If the situation is already bad now, what kind of situation will the next generation face? Sex with robot? Geezz..I don’t even want to think about it.
 
Just don’t know how to change all this.. I just don’t know. So angry yet so helpless.. 
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

Indian Caste System

  
 
I was talking to my father the last Friday after work and the topic on the caste system in the Indian society cropped up suddenly.
 
There was a news recently about this indian rebel who torched the family of a pastor. The reason? Because the pastor was converting many Hindus to Christians in India. When the ex Prime Minister Vajpayee’s party was ruling India, there was a proposal to ban Hindus from converting their religion. Instinctively, the world retaliated. The archbishop of Italy was totally against it, calling for protest. What intrigues me is the fact that when the Malaysian government passed the ruling that no Muslim can convert into other religion, no one made even a single noise, why?
 
Perhaps we as Indians should start thinking why are all these happening? Why is it that the rate of conversion in India is rising so much so that the Prime Minister himself had to intervene and pass a ruling as such? Why are all Hindus converting at an alarming rate until it is predicted that at some point, there will not be anymore Hindus in India?
 
Let us analyze the root cause for all these. Torching the pastor or passing a new ruling in the parliament is not a solution to this problem. Let us open our eyes widely and look into our Indian society.
 
Why is a society based on the beautiful Hindu religion littered with caste system? In which part of our Hindu scriptures have they mentioned about dividing our society according to caste? What is the difference between us? Malayalees, Ceylonese, Telugus, Kannada, Punjabis..Gounder, Chetty,  the list goes on, as endless as can be. What is the use? What good does it make to us? Why is that we differentiate between our very own people? Does this kind of division occur in other religions? Who are Malayalees? People from Kerala..who are Ceylonese? Indians from india who migrated to Sri Lanka. Who are Punjabis? People from Punjab..So? what’s so great about that?
 
There is this place in India called ‘cheri’. it’s a slum and the people there are basically from low caste. They are not allowed into the temple, not allowed to mingle with the higher caste people and basically, if u are born there, u will live as a beggar and die as a beggar. What is so great about being higher caste? They breathe the same air, don’t they, or is God releasing special gas for them to breathe? When they die, they rot, don’t they, or does the body remain as fragrant as ever?
 
There is a street in India, I am not really sure of the name (maybe Anna Nagar), the lower class people there were ignored by the higher caste until all of them converted into Islam, where caste does not exist and decided to change the name of the street into a Muslim name. When this happened, all the so-called higher caste Indians could not accept it and protested but to no avail.
 
A man from high caste but with bad records is still accepted into the society but a man with a golden heart but from a lower caste is shunned from the doorstep. Where is the logic? Where have our brains gone? Lets start judging a person from his character, not from his origin.
 
The discrimination against caste is so vast that when the lower caste people in India are approached by Christians and Muslims and asked to convert, they do it willingly without much hesitation because their very own race is shunning them and herding them towards poverty. Rather than being an outcast for the rest of their lives, might as well they embrace a different religion whose society embrace and accept them with open arms.
 
Let me make something clear here.I am not against any religion, any preachers, or any particular caste. I am not against conversion of religion either though I believe if you are born in one religion, you should die in that religion. What I am trying to say is remove this caste perspective from our Indian society. There is no use complaining that people are converting Hindus to other religion, there is no use passing harsh rules to prevent people from changing their religion. Before taking all those steps, let us abolish the caste system in our society and live together as Indian Hindus..not differentiate according to castes and discriminate each other forever.
 
In the eyes of god, we are all the same. If caste division doesn’t stop now, soon Hindus will be wiped out from the face of this earth. 
  
  
  

Bull's Eye

My working life has opened my eyes in many ways. I gained knowledge and experience from the variety of people whom I meet everyday. I learned how to start a conversation and be pleasant. I learned how to motivate myself and to enjoy my work no matter how hard it gets. I learned how to take care of my behavior and I learned to avoid people who will a bad influence in my life. Pardon me, I don’t hate them but I prefer to avoid trouble especially when I know for sure that it is coming.

I also have better perspective of what I want in my life. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life working and slogging myself for someone else. I don’t want to seek temporary pleasures in life. I don’t want to lose the moral values that my parents have instilled in me and I don’t want to follow the current lifestyle of seeking satisfaction without boundaries. I don’t want to get involved in worthless problems. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life worrying about my looks, my kids and my future. I want to have a simple life. I want to travel around the world, meet new people, have new adventures, experience different cultures. I want to be close to god and my family and give my unlimited love for everyone and anyone without expecting anything back. I want to have a good heart without even a single evil thought. I don’t want to hate anyone and I don’t want to hurt anyone, not even my worse enemy.

I want to help the needy as much as I can. I don’t want to lose my innocence and my faith. I don’t want to lose my path and my religion. I want to be strong and I want to be unbreakable by words.

I will achieve all this. I definitely will for I have faith in myself. I am ready to face the world and I believe I am strong enough overcome whatever that comes in my way now. I am willing to accept things and learn from my mistakes. I believe I can swallow humiliation with pride. I believe in my limitations and capabilities.

I believe in you…

Deep thought

I have been reading a book titled The Journey Through Self Discovery by Swami AC Baktivendatha. It is a book that leads towards Krishna consciousness. People at work had been poking fun, asking after 22 years, have I not discovered myself? I used to reply saying that yeah, im still searching for my identity, I don’t even know who I am. That usually makes them quiet and they walk away with a smile, not rude, a smile that is half thinking, half-knowing and half-denying, if u get what I mean.

Although I could not accept some of the ideas written in the book, there was one point that got me into deep thought.

The Swami mentioned that we are like the rain. When rain falls from the sky, it is pure and crystal clear. But once it reaches the earth, it gets mixed with dirt and grime and becomes polluted. The same applies for humans. When we were born, we were pure but as time goes by, we become entangled in the worldly web and we begin to seek pleasure elsewhere.

What do we do? We eat, sleep, work, have sex and die. We get involved in all kinds of politics. House politics, office politics, and world politics. We gossip about other people. We pray for the sake of praying. We fight, we argue. We experiment things, we discover new stuffs. We travel, we invade. We declare war and we fight for independence. We worry about problems and we sometime seek for problems. And one day, the breath stops and we die. What have we achieved? What kind of life is this?

What is the use of exploring the moon? What is the use of discovering nuclear power? Accelerate death? True, knowledge is good, I am not denying science but what have we discovered about ourselves? What is the use of finding out the chemical contents of a grass? It’s still grass, isn’t it? Would it help that you know the contents of grass when you are struggling for your last breath? Who can tell me why we breathe? Don’t give me the scientific explanation of our breathing organs, tell me what enables us to breathe, what is the power that makes us breathe and what is the power that stops the breath one day? Tell me, tell me, tell me?

I could not provide the reason for this life. Why was I put here in the first place? People say it is to seek God but I don’t know how far that is true. I just know there is a deeper meaning to this life than just eating, sleeping and seeking for pleasure. I just wish I could find out the meaning. I am already getting sick of all these, the same cycle continues each day and one day when the time comes for me to leave, I don’t want to regret. I don’t want to leave with doubt in my heart and seriously speaking, I don’t want to be reborn to return back to this sinful world to continue the living cycle.

I am not afraid of death. Im just curious. Why die? To appreciate death? Then why live? To appreciate what? No one till now is able to give me a satisfactory answer.

The book says to be cleansed, think only of Krishna and chant Hare Rama. Maybe that’s true, I wouldn’t know but somehow I don’t think so. Different ideology, different thinking. Im getting fed up of it all. Who can provide me a good answer?

i am not writing this to argue or to debate. when it comes to life,we can sit and argue for days but i am not here to listen to ideas and opinions. just give me a satisfactory answer to my ultimate question.

Perhaps I have reached a stage where only if God himself comes and explains it all to me, I would be able to accept it. I am waiting and hoping against hope for that time to arrive.

waiting...

My Lord..

My love for my Lord Hanuman is far greater than my love for all mortal beings. I love my family and my grandparents and a few selected people who have left great impact in my life. The rest of my encounters with humans are just like a breeze. A breeze that no matter how hard it blows, it will not alter my course. It will not leave any impact in my life.

I care for everyone. I have no ill thoughts even if they have hurt me before because my heart is filled with love for Hanuman that I have no place for anything else. No matter what happens in the end, my love for Lord Hanuman will never fade for when the time comes for me to leave, he will be the only one there waiting for me.

No matter what problems I face, I will not give up or give in. I will not waste this life because it is a gift given to me by my Lord. I will lead a fulfilling life the way he wants it to be and I want to go back to him soon, just to rest my soul on his feet forever.

I could not put into words how much I love my Lord Hanuman. Words seriously can’t describe how I feel. Somehow for the past few days, I feel so much closer to him and I long to see him one day. My life is just something that I lead because it was given to me but the only thing that I look forward to is meeting my beautiful Lord Hanuman one day.

Just saying your name everyday and thinking of u all the time makes me a different person. All my hatred fades away and my worldly desires is washed away. You are powerful, my Lord. I have felt your strength so many times for the past two years. Now I yearn to see you. Only you can fulfill the longing in my heart. I love you more than love itself.

great looks or great personality?

A few weeks back, a colleague working in the same company as mine was telling me about how he was treated when he was fat and sissy looking and how he was treated when he became fit, muscular and better looking. He was sad, saying that the way he was treated when he was “ugly” was really bad.

A couple of days after that, I was talking to another friend of mine and he was telling me how people judge his personality based on his looks. Truly speaking, he is a very nice gentleman but his looks do not tell you so. Based on that, many people have bad impression about him and the way they treat him made him lose confidence in himself.

The conversation got me thinking about my life. True enough, when I compare now and then, the treatment I receive from strangers now is completely different from last time. I am not being vain by saying I am beautiful but 3 years ago, I used to look like a nerd, with baggy clothes, big glasses and horrible hairdo. No one bothered to look at me twice and the way people spoke to me, I was of no importance compared to my better looking friends. The only reason why I was well known in school was because of my academic achievements.

I used to be sad, when I saw that most of my friends were popular and guys were totally crazy over them. Until I was in my first year in MMU, I was still feeling that way.i had no self-confidence to make new friends and I was always conscious about how “ugly” I looked. Only towards the end of the year, I started changing my looks and I guess it’s not too much to say that I look better now.

Together with the change of looks, came the change of environment and perspective. People became friendlier and I received more attention but all that made me feel sick and angry. Why do they notice me now? Just because I look better? But I was the same person back then. I still had the same personality. From there,I managed to learn about sincerity. Those people who were there for me all the time, no matter how I looked are the ones whom I treasure the most.

I don’t understand something. Why is our society so based on good looks and not personality? Even skin colour is now used to measure looks. Yeah, anyone say inner beauty is better than external beauty but how many people put that into practice? Just because a person looks good, does that mean that he or she is a good person with great personality? I have seen many good looking people who behave like jerks and many average looking people who are beautiful angels of the earth.

Even at work place, I notice the difference. People are friendlier to certain people who are better looking than those who are not. Sometimes I sit and wonder, where does that put me? Do people like me for who I am or for how I look? How would they treat me when all the beauty fades away? Will I be cast aside and frowned upon? When I walk along the corridor or go for lunch with a friend, people look at me and acknowledge me and sometimes (depending on who is with me), totally ignore the other person. I used to think that is probably because she/he hardly smiles at anyone and I make the effort to smile and be friendly to them. Now I wonder, is it because of my skin colour or my face? Perhaps not everyone is like that. Maybe they do genuinely like me for who I am but some people take their own effort to come and talk to me. Why? I am not complaining that people are accepting me, it just makes me feel sad that they do not do the same to my companion in my work place because I know how he/she will feel as I have gone through the same thing before.

Truly speaking, I can say my friend is way much better than me personality wise. It’s just too bad people don’t take the effort to figure that out. At least he/she is blessed in one way, when people come and approach him/her, he/she knows most of the time that the person is sincere. I find it hard to sort that out, most of the people who come and speak to me are not.

It’s about time we put a stop to this ridiculous practice. Judgements should not be done based on how a person looks like. True, as humans, we are attracted to beautiful things but that does not mean that we must totally abandon the others because sometimes without us realizing it, we are making a person lose his self-confidence. First impression is a wrong thing to make, allow some time to get to know a person, be nice to everyone, no matter how they look. Never treat a person differently just because he or she is not beautiful or handsome.

Looks are just something given by God. He who gave it to us has all the rights to take it back anytime he wants. A life based on good looks is not forever. In the end, what’s in the heart and mind that matters most.

love..

You and I are perfect
No one can deny we are made to be together
Common interest, loving and charming too
Nothing can break us in two
We love, we care, we cuddle too
For I love you always and forever

I look forward to seeing you each and every day.
I love having you by my side.
I love being next to you, for you can guide me through.
You're like my guardian angel that's looking over me.

Could it be all that I want it to be?
I hope we are together for a while.
I love having you with me.
When I'm around you I feel secure.
I feel our love is pure.

When you wrap your arms around me, I feel love.
When you kiss me or touch me I feel like there's
no other place I'd rather be than right here with you.
My love for you grows each and every way. I love being with you.

A trip to Tronoh

sent my bro to University Teknology Petronas(UTP) in Tronoh,Perak. the campus is no doubt beautiful. very close to nature, serene and calm. but extremely rural.worse than MMU for sure.

my parents kept comparing MMU with UTP.sad to say,MMU only managed to earn some points for clean toilets. other than that,UTP won. i was receieving all the "tuppes" from my parents:)

anyway, the leaving part was the worse of it all. my mum started crying and my bro's eyes became red. i couldnt beleieve he was crying too. as for me,i miss him a lot. he is such a nice young guy and i hope for the best and i hope he will be successful in his life but i am not sad,because life is university has promises of it's own. he will go through a different journey that will further shape his personality. i just want him to be happy.

mum is still crying until today. i dont think she ever cried this much for me,he he! oh yeah,she did cry on the way back from melaka when she left me and was vomitting all the way but ask her now,and she wont admit it:)ahhh..parental ego! cant define it..cant understand it and cant deny it..

ahh..it was a long weekend and Monday was public holiday..back to work tomorrow..lots of things to be done..time just flies..life goes on..im begining to wonder what have i achieved so far? back to square one..nothing!

IT oh IT

i just wanted to say something that has been playing in my mind for many months.

for the duration of my course..and after coming to work, i have met a few people to whom whenever i mention i have studied IT, they will go.."oh..everyone is doing IT now,sure got no job". this kind of remarks seriously pissed me off.

the same incident repeated itself again,the lady behind my granpa's place kept saying it to me everytime i see her and last week,i lost my cool. i just said to her..who said study IT means got no job? u surveyed the work market is it? there are many jobs available. u dont have to worry for me". ever since that day,she kept her mouth shut. then again,3 days ago someone at my work place said the same thing, and i got so angry and i said,stop pissing me off and the girl kept quiet after that.

i just dont understand..what do u understand about IT? these people will go ooohhh and aahhh if u had done enginering or law or medicine but if u say u have a degree in IT,they look at u as if u had just commited an unpardonable crime. if u dont know what is IT,then dont talk. dont act as if u know about IT.

a few months back an uncle i know called me up and asked me what course should his daughter take and i asked him,what is her interest? he replied saying that she likes chemistry but she is also good in computer and i asked him..what is she good at in computer..his reply? well,she can use the password and log in to the internet..i seriously felt like throwing my HP that time. people seriously have no idea about the IT field. simply using the keyboard to type, to watch movie or to play games or perhaps chat does not mean u are an IT literate. IT is something beyond that. i am not trying to defend myself because i took IT but i know what i am talking about. IT is not something easy to achieve..u can learn MICROSOFT OFFICE and have an IT cert for it and i can learn JAVA and have a bachelor's degree for it. when people ask..we will both say we studied IT but the fact remains that,we both studied two different things and chances of getting a job between the both of us differs. try to understand that first.

IT is also not just working with a computer. machines are computerized also. u need an IT expert to deal with it. dont even let me get started with the networking line.

and who the hell dare to say studying IT means no job? then was our PM dumb to establish MSC? is bill gates begging in the streets for establishing MICROSOFT? is silicon valley as useless as the destroyed city of pompei?people especially indians need some exposure to the IT world.as long as u do medicine or law or engineering,they are happy but they forget,IT is also entering all those areas. most of the medical equipments are computerized. engineering jobs are also done using computers.

how about broadcasting? how is the satellite dealt with? magic? without IT, how would broadcasting be done? and how then would u sit and watch ur ANNAMALAI, KUM KUM etc? through imagination? perhaps one day those people who talk so much should be kept in a world without IT. then they will know what i am talking about. the next person who comes and tells me IT offers no job..that person will get nice shelling from me for sure.

most of the people are like frogs under the coconut shell. try to explore the world..understand IT,dont shun it even before it reaches your doorstep or one day,you will be sorry.

an eye opening trip

the trip to the Kulim branch for the presentation of the system was a real eye opener. the feedbacks we received was termendous..it was my first live contact with the real IT world. the fact that remains true until now is that not many people really know what IT means. some people think IT can make miracles happen and some think anyone can learn IT and that it is useless. that was what that happened back in my company.

when we went to kulim branch,the people there requested so many additional modifications to be done to the system. some of the requests were totally ridiculous. but one thing good was that they were willing to accept the system and they were curious to learn about it. they asked so many questions but not one at a time,so many people were talking,all at one time,bombarding questions until everything went haywire. still..it was good..it really was good.

had lunch in my boss's house,played with her kids for a while and rushed back to penang for the presentation there at 3.30. here,the situation was different. they were so angry with us for introducing the system. they were busy finding faults with it rather than trying on how to make it work. there was a point when i wanted to get up and scream my heads off but refrained myself. that would just ruin everything. i just accepted the fact that they are old timers and presenting a new system would mean newer adaptations to be done.

the next day had a meeting with my supervisor and the project coordinator.many modifications were eliminated and newer specifications were added.my workload increased but im not complaining.i really enjoy it.

was helping some of the supervisors to adapt to the system and some of them were very nice to me. while helping them, i realised there were so many errors with the program. i have not used the system before,all i was doing was making modifications,troubleshooting,debugging and adding new parts into the partly complete system. i did not bother checking the partly complete part..and while i was teaching the supervisors,i detected the errors. i really dont know what the previous programmer was thinking when she was creating the system. not enough specifications were given so the system was a bit haywire. next week,i need to check into that part and fix all those problems. ahh..never liked programming until i stepped into the real world..now every single problem is a challange and every single achievement is so sweet. i truly enjoy it..!

im making so many new friends at work. from the guards to the cleaners..they are all my friends. i love it!

flik flak

u came back didnt you?thats good enough to store this leo's pride. that was what i was waiting for. now you dont mean anything to me. i am ever so powerful. when it comes to people like you..revenge sure is sweet.flick...you are gone. i have erased everything from my mind. you cannot do anything to me now. best of luck and good bye.

stop pissing me off

it was such a wonderful day and u just have to come and piss me off with ur sick message in friendster. idiotic dumb bastard..why do people like u exist in the first place? why cant u just be murdered,shot,burned alive,drowned or be sacrificed to the dogs?
u are really so itchy arent you? well,you know what,if i am a good person,i am a good person,if i am a bad person,i am a bad person.unlike jerks like you,i dont know how to pretend. i curse you...hope you start rotting now and maggots feast on you..sick sick sick sick sick rotten garbage!

sick~

arghhh..i have fallen sick. what a terrible end to a wonderful day. couldnt go to work today.i got up at 5 am,tried to get ready,at 6,my house started spinning. i msged my boss and went back to bed.

i hate lying down in bed..i want to go to work. at home,all kinds of uninvited thoughts invade my mind,im filled with regret. whatever! life goes on..

was thinking of my boss's son today. i forgot to post something yesterday. while we were on the way back, my boss stopped halfway near the church,someone she knows was getting married and she wanted to pass the gift. so she went out and only her son and me were in the car. he started spelling the word weds pasted outside the hall and he asked me what it means and i said it means get married to. then he said,my mummy marry my daddy,u marry me;) ha ha..i burst out laughing and said yes..marriage proposal from a 4 year old..never expected i will get one..im the luckiest girl in the world!:) just wishing he's 24 instead of 4..i would have gotten myself married by now:P

then we were fighting,as usual i was monster and he the great ultraman and suddenly he said,shake your butt butt and started wriggling his cute little butt.i asked him,who taught u all that and he said my mummy taught me.my boss exclaimed"hey,when did i teach u all that" and we both started giggling. i miss that cute little dwarf.

miss work miss work miss work..hate falling sick!:(

cekap day..

it was a damn good day..i was so happy..glowing with happiness..and everything went fine. whatever programming work that i was supposed to do today worked fine without any trouble. a lady came for assistance with the system after lunch. managed to help her too without much problem.

wore a punjabi suit to work. some people at work said i look like a bollywood star..wow!im floating in the air:)

my boss send me home. sent me until my doorstep. im such a lucky employee.he he! and not only that,her son is getting close to me,he gets upset when it is the time for me to get down. today he was singing all the nursery rhymes to me until my boss said,you know,you are very lucky.normally he wont sing at all,not even a single song and for u,he is singing all the songs he knows.he he! gotta buy for him a bigger cadbury tomorrow. was playing with him,he was ultraman,im the monster:) got wonderful kicks here and there..adui!

going to Kulim branch on wednesday. presentation of the system. kind of excited. cant wait!:)

people at work seem to have a lot of trust in me.some of them have even started telling me their secrets. i wonder what is that in me that makes them trust me so fast? not that im complaining..it makes me feel good and i do hope that i wont lose that trust..

all in all...it was a wonderful day..yahoooo!

song translation

i received a few requests for the meaning of the song i posted earlier.i tried finding for the english lyric but could not find it so i translated it myself.some of the lines are blank coz i myself dont know what it means. if what i have translated is wrong,pardon me. enjoy!:)(prem,i need your help on this!:))



Ovvoru pookalumey solkirathey ---->all the flowers are saying
Vaazhvendraal poaraadum poarkalamey --->life is a battle

Ovvoru pookalumey solkirathey ---->all the flowers are saying
Vaazhvendraal poaraadum poarkalamey --->life is a battle
Ovvoru vidiyalumey solkirathey
Iravaanaal paghal ondru vandhidumey-->when night comes,morning will follow
Nambikkai enbathu vaendum num vaazhvil-->in life we need faith
Latchiyam nichchayam vellum oru naalil --->ambitions will come true one day
Maname oh maname nee maarividu -->heart oh heart pls change
Malayoa athu paniyoa nee moadhi vidu -->even if it rains or the dews fall,you keep fighting

Ullam endrum eppoadhum -->the heart should never break
Udainthu poaghe koodaathu
Enne indhe vaazhkayendre-->never think what a life this is
Ennam thoandre koodaathu
Endhe manithan nenjukkul -->tell me which man has no wound in his heart
Kaayam illai sollungal
Kaalapoakil kaayamellaam -->as time goes by,all wounds will heal
Marandhu poaghum maayangal

Uli thaangum karkal thaaney
Mun meethu silayaaghum
Vali thaangum ullam thaaney-->the heart that stands pain will feel permanant joy
Nilayaane sugham kaanum
Yaarukillai poaraatam -->who doesnt have to battle in life
Kannil enne neeroatam -->why are there tears in your eyes?
Oru kanavu kandaal -->if u dream,always and ever,one day it will come true
Athai thinamum endaal
Oru naalil nijamaaghum

Maname oh maname nee maarividu -->heart oh heart pls change
Malayoa athu paniyoa nee moadhi vidu -->even if it rains or the dews fall,you keep fighting

Ovvoru pookalumey solkirathey ---->all the flowers are saying
Vaazhvendraal poaraadum poarkalamey --->life is a battle


Vaazhkai kavithai vaasippoam-->lets read the poem of life
Vaanamalavu yoasippoam -->lets think sky high
Muyarchi endrai ondrai mattum -->lets put in effort like our breath
Moochu poale swaasippoam
Latcham kanavu kannoadu-->1000 dreams in your eyes
Latchiyangal nenjoadu -->ambitions in your heart
Unnai velle yaarumillai -->no one can rule you
Uruthiyoadu poaraadu -->fight without any doubts
Manitha un manathai keeri vithai poadu maramaaghum -->scar your heart and plant a seed,it will grow into a tree
Avamaanam thaduthaal neeyum ellaame uravaaghum
Thoalviyindri varalaaraa?
Thukkam enne en thoazha? -->is sadness my shoulder?
Oru mudivirunthaal athil thelivirunthaal -->if u made a decision,if u are clear,u can reach for the sky
Andhe vaanam vasamaaghum

Maname oh maname nee maarividu -->heart oh heart pls change
Malayoa athu paniyoa nee moadhi vidu -->even if it rains or the dews fall,you keep fighting

no title:P

saravanan: yr sincerity in everythin will guide u thru suba
saravanan: so dont worry k
saravanan: just take it easy

(these lines puts a smile on my face..thanks sara!)

Ovvoru pookalumey

pragash sent me a song thru yahoo a few days back. only today i managed to hear it. it is really good. i have posted the lyrics. it's truly beautiful. thanks daa! i love it;)

paadal: Ovvoru pookalumey
kural: Chitra

Ovvoru pookalumey solkirathey
Vaazhvendraal poaraadum poarkalamey

Ovvoru pookalumey solkirathey
Vaazhvendraal poaraadum poarkalamey
Ovvoru vidiyalumey solkirathey
Iravaanaal paghal ondru vandhidumey
Nambikkai enbathu vaendum num vaazhvil
Latchiyam nichchayam vellum oru naalil
Maname oh maname nee maarividu
Malayoa athu paniyoa nee moadhi vidu

Ullam endrum eppoadhum
Udainthu poaghe koodaathu
Enne indhe vaazhkayendre
Ennam thoandre koodaathu
Endhe manithan nenjukkul
Kaayam illai sollungal
Kaalapoakil kaayamellaam
Marandhu poaghum maayangal

Uli thaangum karkal thaaney
Mun meethu silayaaghum
Vali thaangum ullam thaaney
Nilayaane sugham kaanum
Yaarukillai poaraatam
Kannil enne neeroatam
Oru kanavu kandaal
Athai thinamum endaal
Oru naalil nijamaaghum

Maname oh maname nee maarividu
Malayoa athu paniyoa nee moadhi vidu

Ovvoru pookalumey solkirathey
Vaazhvendraal poaraadum poarkalamey


Vaazhkai kavithai vaasippoam
Vaanamalavu yoasippoam
Muyarchi endrai ondrai mattum
Moochu poale swaasippoam
Latcham kanavu kannoadu
Latchiyangal nenjoadu
Unnai velle yaarumillai
Uruthiyoadu poaraadu
Manitha un manathai keeri vithai poadu maramaaghum
Avamaanam thaduthaal neeyum ellaame uravaaghum
Thoalviyindri varalaaraa?
Thukkam enne en thoazha?
Oru mudivirunthaal athil thelivirunthaal
Andhe vaanam vasamaaghum

Maname oh maname nee maarividu
Malayoa athu paniyoa nee moadhi vidu

..curse me..

i met theven after work on friday. we had a very long talk. i felt better after talking to him. i realised i have been very bad to him but still he accepts me as who i am and still tries to work things out although he knows everything that had happened for the past one month. i have never seen any man like him. he may be hot tempered but he has the heart of a child. he respects a girl and never thinks badly about anyone. he has never manipulated a girl or any other person and although all this while i thought he was controlling me..only now i realised it was for my own good.

he enlightens me about this world and men around me. if not for his advice, i would have fallen in this life and hurt myself badly.

i have been very very stupid. i never appreciated what i have and i have never appreciated him until now. any other girl would have been blessed to have him.

still..im in a very confused state.i couldnt make any decisions right now.Sigh! why am i being so stupid? the truth is just right in front of me and i cant see it and i am looking for it somewhere else..damn u girl!

13 experiences...

i have done a lot of thinking for the past few days and i have spoken to many people. they have given me advices based on their life experiences. i have gain new knowledge and i have seen many disgusting things within my first month at work. and truly speaking from my mind,im utterly shocked..

1. when a guy approaches you and confesses his feelings within a few weeks of knowing you,remember,all he wants is your body. he likes what he saw and he wants sex.nothing more. but if a guy had been your friend for a very long time and after some time he tells you that he likes you,that is a gentleman.

2. a married man will come and approach you and say he is having so much of problems with his wife and be very sad. you might feel for him and your heart will reach out for him but in the end,all he wants is sex and once he gets it,he will tell you,"i cant leave my wife and kids,sorry".

3. never give your hp number around. there is a new trend among guys nowadays..passing hp numbers of girls..whichever girl responds,they will sweet talk to her..once they get sex..thats it,good bye and ur hp number will be passed around even more.and your name..just think among guys..you will be dirtier than rubbish. when u get any sms from unknown numbers, do not entertain them.

4. never beleive those guys who sweet talk to you.he will buy you expensive things,flowers,romantic dinners... most of them just want sex. remember..those whom you think are controlling you, are the ones who really care about you.

5. there is a new trend in town,married men and married women (working in the same place) with families of their own meet up secretly in hotels and have sex. this is true,it is happening in a factory very near mine.

6. whatever that happens in your life, always remember to keep someone updated about it. for me,i tell everything to my dad now. i have nothing to hide from him. rather than trying to be secretive and hiding things from him, i am very direct to him and he knows everything that is going on in my life. in this way, i have gained his trust and whatever i do now,i always think of my dad first. i will never let my actions bring him a bad name. never! never lie to your parents especially about a guy in your life or else,you will definately end up in trouble. even if u just like a guy,tell your dad first about him. u might think your dad is typical and he wont understand etc..but trust me, once you open up and be frank..u will be amazed with the results.

7. if you like a guy,never jump into a relationship. take your time and find out about him and his background. u will be shocked with things that u can find out.

8. never be too friendly with a guy especially when u have started working. working guys are not the same as your campus mates. there is not much innocense left around..

9. protect your virginity. not just your body..but your actions and also things that you do. virginity,once gone..you can never get it back.

10. be proud of your religion. if u are born a hindu,die a hindu. (and never make fun of another religion)

11. never trust a person easily. and never be too naive. think! god gave you brains to think, not to let it be idle and be manipulated.

12. if your partner wants sex before marriage, i believe thats the time to say goodbye no matter how much you love him. once he gets sex, he will leave you.

13. one thing for now i have learned, most guys just want sex from a girl. i dont understand it somehow. for me,u may call me a country brute or typical indian girl but i beleive sex before marriage is lustful and dirty and disgusting. even if it is between two people who are in love,it is still disgusting if there is no knots between them. seriously, sex is not everything in this life. i dont understand why guys and girls nowadays are so obsessed by it. and now,it's not just guys who just want sex in a relationship..girls are following that trend too.(im talking about indians here) and speaking from my heart..i am sad. life is not about sex. marriage is not about sex. love is not about sex. if u think sex is everything, i am sorry to say that you are wasting away your life. there are many things out there to be enjoyed. go out and explore things not bodies. control your lust and desires. marry the person you truly love and make love only to that person. enjoy life doing good things..and never forget god. in that way..your life is fulfilled.

so alive...

i am quite suprised with myself. i only had four hours of sleep,yet i was prancing about like a monkey at work today. i was feeling so jovial and happy without any reason.

went to the clerk's room and was talking with shanta..gossiping lar what else..then we discussed about numerology.met karu (me cousin) for lunch..boy..that man can read me like an open book. he knows everything in my mind and every single thing that i have done so far in my life. respect lar..and the funny thing is..although we are not so close,he cares so much..and always makes sure things are fine for me..glad that im blessed with a cousin like you..

had a small meeting..discussed about the system im working on. did some modifications.

i am learning from mistakes and ..im growing up...

i met two more new people today. i am trying to be friendly as can be..although i dont want to work in that company later..yet..i want to leave with a good name.

went back with my boss..and yes SA,this time i really did bribe her son with cadbury:)

my pc was taken away and was given a pentium 2..jezz..it was as slow as..worse than a snail..i got so irritated..when my boss came and told me i had to use the pc..i exclaimed OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, cluthing my heart :)and she started laughing and told me,i will change the pc as soon as possible,maybe next week..sigh!:):(

things are looking up..i know it will..just learnt a few things more about guys..im totally disgusted..girls..i'll post it tomorrow.read it..will be useful for the future;) seriously..many jerks are out there...

one thing for sure..i cannot find the innocence of campus life back at work..i really couldnt find it and worse is..i still have the innocense in me..thats why i get fooled so easily..im just too naive..i speak from my heart..i have nothing to hide..is that bad?i dun really know if that is good or bad...