2005-resolutions?

Ever since i started working,i have fully understood where indians stand in the economic sector in Malaysia.

Now, i truly appreciate my parents for giving me a good education and making me beleive that my capabilities are beyond my limitations. truly speaking, from my observance within these few weeks at work, i managed to swallow the fact that without education, we indians are next to nothing in the eyes of other races.

To emerge in the economic industry which is fully dominated by other races, indians not only need to be educated, they also need to be up to date, hardworking, posses certain amount of intelligence (wit, not just laden with information) and be really really good in their work in order to be noticed.

i agree that many indians have realised that education is really important in order to survive and therefore we have many top scorers nowadays. but these people who have realised this are a small amount compared to those indians who have not even realised that they need to open up their eyes. there are many indians out there, backdated, living in poor conditions, uneducated, poor and truly in a very sad state. i made a resolution not very long ago,that one day, i will reach out to help these people and i promise myself even today that i will do so in another 10 years time because by then, i will be fully able to help anyone financially and mentally.

let us put aside these people who need help. let us look at those middle class indians. they are educated, they know the way life is out there but sadly, they wallow in jealousy when they see other indians come up. there is no more such thing as "i must do better than him". instead, "he must do worse than me". notice that there is a big difference between these two statements.i dont have to go far to give u an example. i will just cite one that just happened within my own relatives.

as i had said earlier, my dad had just bought a new car. on the first day he brought it to his brother's house, the first thing his brother said to him was, this car is no good, the oil consumption is really high, it has all kinds of problems etc..he did not say even a single word of praise. not that we are looking high and low for one, but then, imagine, u just bought a new imported car and someone just comes and gives all kinds of bad remarks about it. there is another example, where one of my father's friend said the car looks like our national car, kancil. is my dad so dumb to buy a car as small as kancil, for a price which is four folds higher? but my neighbour who is a malay was so happy when he saw our car, gave us the thumbs up sign and said "very nice".

when i went to university, i faced all kinds of remarks from people i know. many of them "blessed" me by saying that i will not get a job when i graduate. when i scored well in my school exams, no one was happy and outwardly expressed their jealousy. im sad to say, all of them are indians. when i got the job as a software engineer in this new company, first thing my uncle said was, the company is not doing well, they dont pay well blah blah blah. not a since word of congrats. i could have argued with him but i held my tougue back coz im so sick and tired of seeing this kind of inner jealous pangs potrayed openly. the company has been in business for more than 30 years and is now going to open up another mill in another state. they have 7 mills in penang and mainland alone and had recently been public listed in KL stock exchange.

my dad told me once that at the hospital where he works, an indian pharmacist told an elderly indian man that he doesnt need to pay,he can get free medicine if he fills up a certain form. what did this old indian man do? he straight away went to the form counter and told the malay man at the counter that the indian pharmacist told him that he doesnt need to pay if he fills up the form. The pharmacist was given a warning by his superior for giving out such an info and reducing the hospital's income although what he said was right.

at my work place, one indian man came and told me, that the higher managers are very fierce, they like to scold unnecessarily, there is no pay rise etc etc and when i asked him back, so are u going to leave this company soon, he said "oh no, i intend to stay here for a very long time". I truly dont understand his reason for discouraging and demotivating me. instead the chinese guys there were nice to me, and they told me many important things that i need to know.

in another company where my friend is working, an indian superior complains about all the other indians staffs and humiliates them in front of the higher managers.

don't get me wrong. i'm not fishing for praises. i dont need praises in order to survive. i have my job, i have my family, i have everything that i want. but it still makes me sad to know that indians themselves are pulling each other down from being successful. even if u help another indian, not many of them are truly grateful.

if we keep going on like this, hating for each other's success, we will never be in par with other races. let us be competitive with other races, not among each other in our own community. we are approaching a new year. let us face it with a good heart, with good thoughts. let us fight for our rights, be truly capable and let us become one of the most respected race in the whole world.

indians are smart. we just need to change our attitude.

ZZZZ....

eppedi? super ah ille?

Ho ho ho!

We are going to have a Christmas lunch on 22 in the Systems department. There's gonna be an 'Office Santa' thing and everyone is supposed to buy a gift, something that costs a minimum 8 bucks by this Monday, if not 10 bucks will be collected. i have been wreaking my head, trying to figure out what to buy. if i buy something less expensive, i will be giving out a first impression of being a cheapskate =) and if i buy something expensive, i dun wanna be labelled as a show off or the so called 'rich gal'. I don't mind buy gifts for the people here, they are all very nice. i just dunno what to get. something not too personal, something not too extravagant. People, help me!!! Suggesstions please?

I just remembered, there is a guy who i usually see at the canteen who looked really familiar, i was wondering where i had seen him before and just before this, i saw suthar's name in my blog and i remembered. he looks like suthar's twin. he's about suthar's height also lar so i can forget about 'saitadikeraning' him =)

my heart throb

sigh! can anyone look anything better than this? only one guy. and i bet he is reading this right now, giving out his famous shy 'senget' smile.

;)

A note for myself

I have been doing a lot of thinking for the past few days.

The new working place is fine. It turned out, they hired two new employees, one is me and another, a Chinese girl. I have been placed in the mainland plant while the other girl is in island. So practically I’m the new one among 30 other employees in the department who practically know each other. The department consists of 3 Indians including me, 3 Malays and the rest Chinese. I’m the only Indian girl.

The first 3 days at work last week, I was practically alone, buried in my cubicle. It was at that time, it hit me real hard that I am already working. It felt as if it was only yesterday when I was in Malacca campus, registering for my first year in university, and now I’m all grown up and working. The thought just made me so depressed. The fact that I had to eat lunch alone didn’t help either. Besides, different departments have different lunch times and most of them go out. I felt so totally alone.

Work has not really started but I was briefed on what I should be doing. The system they are going to create is basically in Java, and it’s a system to control the production goods right from the warehouse until it is shipped overseas. It has to go online by April but is intended to be completed by February. There are 3 other people in my team. I also had to learn up new software.

I was kind of scared at first; unable to accept the fact that I’m going to be working and my University life has ended. I was also afraid that I will not be able to learn up and do a good job. It was at that time, when I started thinking.

I’m also a human. An equal to every other human being. If they can do it, why can’t I? Why must I doubt my own capabilities? I will make friends with the rest; it will only take some time. At least all of them are nice to me, in a polite kind of way. All the people in my department are quite young so that makes things much easier. Even my boss is only around 30 plus. It is just a matter of time before I blend in.

Besides, I came in to work. To prove to myself that I can accomplish something. If I can’t do something, it’s a failure to myself. To seek approval, comment or praise from others is utter foolishness. Every task I’m going to face for the next few years is a test on my ability and endurance. No matter how stressed up I get, I have to face it.

The Indian guy in my department said, ‘You know, it’s so surprising that they choose you over the rest of the 29 Chinese candidates. See, it has even been raining for the three consecutive days since you arrived here.’ That’s the mark. I have to show quality in my work to make them grow faith in the abilities of an Indian.

So what if I don’t have friends in the company? Friends at work are not made to last. I have seen it. In fact, getting too close to anyone at work only spells trouble. I can count my blessings. At least I have a loving family whom I can go back to after work. At least my work place is only 40 minutes drive from home. By 6, I’m already home and still feel the sunlight on my skin. At least I have Theven who fully understand my feelings. At least the people at work are nice and polite. At least they don’t treat me like an alien. At least I have one good friend there, an old Indian guard who speaks excellent English and never fails to greet me everyday and said to me on the first day,’ I’m so happy to see another Indian in this company, I hope you stay here for many years’.At least i dont face the hassle of driving over the congested bridge everyday.

Even if all that fails to cheer me up, I still have my faith that I can hold on to and until now, it has never failed me. Even now, I'm feeling so exceptionally calm as i write this. My faith has brought me this far, I will not give up.

And even if that also fails, at least I’m breathing, aren’t I? When the breath stops, nothing else matters.

End of part time career

Today was the end of my dramatic two weeks long career as a babysitter. The mum came home today and took the girls back.

I'm kinda relieved,kinda sad. They were quite a handful but were also extremely charming at times, especially when the 3 yr old swishes her gown, flashes her smile and says, 'Look, i'm cinne-lela' (that's her version of cinderella)

Ahhh...thinking about them just stirs an ancient feeling in my heart. Just today, the 3 yr old was sitting in one corner, and hit her hand on her forehead saying, kalele kalele kalele (that's 'kadavule' in tamil, 'god' in english) and i asked her, 'you get fed 3 times a day, someone bathes you, you can do whatever you want and you have nothing to do or study in particular, why on earth are you calling god for?'. She just looked at me for a second, flashed her million dollar smile and ran away, laughing.

Kids! Can't beleive i was like that at one point..Okay, i'm not gonna become teary eyed and get all moppy about it. Another life awaits on wednesday..well, wish me luck! :)

Vroooommmmmm!

the only thing that keeps bothering me right now is my lack of confidence in driving. i can drive, yeah but around the park near my house, that's it! if i see a lorry or something bigger than a car behind my car, i freak out. if it rains, i freak out. if i see a motorbike darting in, i freak out.if i see a traffic light, i freak out. damn! and now i have to travel to penang daily, using the bridge. i have no idea how i'm gonna go to my work place. i need to get my own transport, that's not a big deal. the big deal is, i wonder if i can drive until there and reach the company ALIVE.

somemore with much dignity, i placed a bet with theven that i'll be driving to my workplace in 1 week's time. I have to drive, have to, have to, HAVE TO! if not, malu only =)

funny, nothing else is bothering me except this. i'm supposed to be rattling about my freedom being snatched away, blah blah blah but nope, i need to learn to DRIVE and do that REALLY FAST too!

trapped bird :(

okay, i don't know how to begin this. don't know if i should say yahoo! or oh crap!

i shall say it in a monotonous way then. my days of freedom has ended. (that's dramatic!) this free bird is now trapped in a cage. starting this wednesday, i'm no longer a jobless grad but a software developer for a japanese company in penang.

i'm supposed to be happy but somehow im feeling sick in the stomach, like have been forced to swallow a bucketful of cow's pancreas juice and then a pint of honey. okay okay, i should count my blessings, consider myself lucky, be thankful, seize the opportunity but then i'm not feeling that way. i keep thinking, there you go, back to the office and the computer for the next 35 years.

i just hope i wont be part of the statics, that comprises of people who sit and groan about their work. i don't want to end up that way.

japanese company somemore..aduh!

he he...i just thought of something...japanese companies are pretty weird, apart from the pressure (that's something you just can't avoid, no matter what company you are working in).anyway, when i was doing my industrial training in ANOTHER japanese company, i observed that japanese are pretty rigid about neatness. the computers should be alligned to the table, they have 5 minutes break at 10.30 to clean your table and they have auditors to check the cleanliness level of each department. i don't know if this applies for all japanese companies, i certainly hope that the company i'm gonna work for will not be like that.

anyway..what made me smile was this...i still remember this incident..i used to come early to work when i was doing my training and every morning i will see the MD, a japanese man and greet him. then one day i saw another guy who looked very much like the MD, and i greeted him thinking that it was the MD. and lo and behold. ..he hissed at me..yes, you heard that right, he actually hissed at me and i was just standing there with this really dumb look on my face that said...what the hell???!!but i kept quiet anyway and walked away and since no one was there, since it was in a tunnel (yeah, we had a tunnel there in the company connecting the two plants and guess what, it was not even built underground but was still called the SPC tunnel, bodohnyeee), i turned back and stuck my tougue out at him.

the next day, i saw him again and just out of curiousity, i greeted him again, just wondering what would happen next...and again, he hissed like a snake. since that day i stopped greeting him and later realised that he was not the MD whom i used to greet everyday. he he! uma and me rolled and laughed like monkeys when i told her the story during her brief stay in my place.

well..whadaya know..maybe in this new company, another man will start roaring like a lion. he he! the butterflies in my stomach is all gone now.. it won't be so bad after all...whatever it is, i can handle it coz i already had faced an even worse situation before.

new working stories will come up and don't worry, i wont bore you guys with complains about my work place..no one will like to read those..

just a note, i finished up harry potter and the goblet of fire. bro said he will get prisoner of azkaban for me. yeah....potter rocks, rowling rolls!

Multitasking for real!

I must admit something..i'm gonna be a terrible mother one day and i know that's not a good news for someone, he he!

I always wanted a kid..until NOW! i change my mind..kids are nice to look at, good to play with but horrible to take care off.

Washing them after their daily toilet routine (oh damn, i naturally vomit after each session), bathing them three times daily, putting on the clothes and meeting their demands of having different type of 'pottus' on their forehead (so far: a snake, a balloon, a triangle, a circle, a flower)putting them to sleep, answering their endless questions, cleaning up the mess, feeding them (that's the most horrible task coz it takes almost infinite time for them to swallow each mouthful), keeping quiet and being patient when they answer you back rudely, mustering all the patience in the world from slapping them for being extremely stubborn and choosy at times, ahhh..it's an endless list.

i feel so mean for writing this but seriously, it's much better to work in a dungeon..okay okay, that's too much..

i smsed sara today, telling him that i'm taking care of kids, for he asked me what i have been doing earlier, and he replied..taking care of kids? sooo cute! i wish i could do that..

Yeah rite!

but to round it up, i'll miss them once they are gone, in fact i'm actually missing them while writing this, so i guess i'm not such a bad mother after all...

but hey, what's the point of writing this then? doesn't matter, i'm just killing my time.. after all, i'm a jobless grad but what about those reading these? aha... (sly grin plastered across the face)

i hear curses :)

Adios!