It's a downpour of the holiness
The divine colors began to rain

Rosie

There was this new magazine, Malaysian one, named GDED,sorry it's EDGE lying around in my house. Pretty interesting magazine about the history and lifestyles in Malaysia. There was this funny article by Patrick Teoh 'kutuking' broadband and 3G technology. It was darn funny.

And one part of an article by Dato Abdul Hamid bin Dato' Sidek. Here's an excerpt from it that got me laughing to myself:-

My grandson came and saw me the other day and i was shocked to see that he had purple hair and a ring through his nose. I asked him if he was trying to look like a circus pig but he said that nowadays it doesn't matter how you dress. He proved this by telling me that he is now the CEO of a search engine that has been listed on Nasdaq and is worth $1 billion. I didnt understand a word he was talking about. And that's not only because he has a strange American accent and calls himself DJ Screw.

And there was an article that shocked me to the brim...Malaysia actually had it's own strip tease queen and her name was Rose Chan. The first time i heard that name was in Kopitiam a few weeks back, when that Uncle Maniam and Uncle Kong held a convention on Rose Chan. I had no idea who she was and just took in for granted that she must have been some old actress. When i came across the article complete with illustrations (of course la the parts were covered), i almost chocked. The article was pretty sad though. She blamed her background for being who she was.in some sense, that could be true. But if you blame your orphan background and poverty, then almost all the beggars would have turned to this kind of lucarative bussiness wouldnt they? Ah well, i wouldn't know what kind of hardship she had to face so i shall not judge.

Check out the magazine sometime. It's pretty cool.

Nye nye...

Hungry.........

And i bet you started dreaming of food after that line, right?

Ok. ok. I'll quit talking about food.

It's 2.27am precisely and i'm not sleepy.

Since everyone has started calling me fatso, i started doing some vigourous exercises and i guess i hurt myself big time, every inch of my muscles hurt. My kneecaps hurts. My cells hurt. My arms hurt. My eyes hurt. Ok, ok, i know. You got the point. I'm getting out of hands.

It's such a torture wearing my glasses all day long. It's like putting a huge heavy blob on my face, only this blob helps me to see better. It's so uncomfortable. I am counting the days to get my lenses back on.

I'm so unmotivated with my job hunting. I'm still not in that serious mode yet...sigh! It's such a torture to go through this again. The thought of going for an interview itself repulses me.

Sob & Awww

Today had been such a busy day.

Started with a trip to my ex-prison, he he..blink blink..my company la..Before that, dropped down in pacific, was thinking about something,missed a turn, had to make another long trip again to the same place to park my car. Did some shoe shopping.

When i left, it was pouring cats and dogs, so drove around aimlessly,waiting for it to stop before heading down to the factory. Settled the payment, met a few collegues who said i have become chubby within two months. What to do, this is what you get when you whack Nando's, KFC, buffet and to top it off, chocolates in the middle of the night. Sob Sob..Remorse.

Oh yeah, before i forget, the SAP certificate came in today. Sigh, i worked so hard for a piece of paper. Sob..sob..

Then headed to my future mamiyar's place, ahem! Visited her for a while and returned home. Helped my chitti to find resources from internet for her master's assignment.Went to fetch my dad from work. Tea.

Went to the dentist. Bad news. He said i might have to go for surgery and remove my wisdom tooth as it is growing in a wrong angle and have high chances of decaying. When i heard that, my body reacted the same way it would when i accidently scratch my nails against the wall. I have never had any problems with any of my tooth and now this wisdom tooth is giving me more pain than wisdom. The most i have done so far with my tooth is clean it (plak removal) and that too, when the dentist is doing it, i would be clenching my hands on the seat. And now surgery? Sob..Sob..

Next stop, optician. Been having some problems with my eye. Starts tearing when i go out in the sun and becomes red. He checked my eyes. Im banned from using lenses for a minimum of one month. Conjuctivities on the upper lid. So i have to wear my 'kelevi' specs on Deepavali day also..Sob Sob...

By the way,since im ending each paragraph with a sob, here's something to 'yay' about. The dentist gave me free treatment, i was standing at the counter waiting to pay for my medicines and he said, no need to pay..awwww...

And, the optician gave me a free pair of contact lenses and free eye treatment and i asked for a sunglasses case since i ran the car over mine and got it for free. Awww..

Didn't take out a single cent...awwww...
----------------------------------------------------
Mum came to my room and looked through my earring collections.(Thats one of the things i always wanted to show my mum)I have 32 pairs to date and she was looking at it, and kutuking some of it. For a start,it felt good. Really good. And the trip with dad to the dentist and optician was fun too. We were talking like friends. I guess they too want to get to know me better but just don't know how. Hope it improves..
----------------------------------------------------

Nighty mare...:)

Been having really bad dreams for the past few days. Mostly about gangsterism. Don't know why. Not thinking about any gangster stuff and NO,(wipe that smirk off your face, im telling you) my heart doesnt secretly aspire to be one either.

The thing is, my usual waking up time would be around 10am.And thats when my nightmare ends abruptly. And me like a dungu, half groggy, would try to sleep back, get back to the nightmare and try to change the end of it. Like if i was in a midst of being murdered,i would imagine a super powered man suddenly scoops by and i'm saved by the bell.

I'm not kidding. Seriously. Can't really explain how i do that but it can only be done to certain nightmares. Some nightmares, i wake up without a since inkling of what i dreamt of, some no matter how hard i try, i cant go back and change it and some like i said just now, i can change it for better. And that usually takes up another 2 hours so i end up waking at 12 in the afternoon much to my mum's annoyance.

I'm such a good kid.

Finger lickin good..

I can tell you one thing.

Staying at home, jobless and with nothing better to do not only makes your thoughts run wild but also your stomach works overtime.

Yeah, im thinking about food every one hour. Nandos, KFC, buffet dinner in some hotel,ice creams, chocolates, yummy yum yum. (Current craving-Air Bandung)My mouth is munching non-stop too and I'm trying so terribly hard to stop eating junk, like a sailor fighting with a whale, wait a minute, what kind of a stupid example is that, oh well, you got the point..

Anyway, im afraid i might end up looking like a woobly wo ho by the end of the season. Don't give me that look. I know what you are thinking. What the hell is a woobly wo ho. Don't ask me.

Currently imagining a whale in a saree...Eughhh..

Here we go again..

Somebody give me a job to do..!!

Now where did that chipsmore go?..

Utang..

So..

Was reading my earlier post titled na na na..and was thinking, well, you know the part i said other's have bigger problems..that triggered my train of thoughts, and hey presto,it started churning..anyway, back to that, have you heard people telling you, count your blessing..whenever you are down, think of people who are less fortunate than you. Don't you think that's a pretty selfish thought? It's like this, let me put it this way. You have only one eye and you shouldn't be sad because your neighbour has no eyes at all. So you should be happy that you are better off than your neighbour. Very selfish. Whoever thinks that way just booked a one-way ticket to hell.

Yeah, that's what happens when i have too much time in my hand. I start thinking of everything. Bear with me. =)

Supposed to go to my wonderful ex company today but no mood and it has been raining today so called them up to cancel. Will be going tomorrow.

Anyway, i got a letter from PTPTN asking for their money back. Yeah, i know i should pay back but not like im loaded right now, right? And in case you don't know, there's a short verse from the Quran printed on the letter which loosely translated means this:-(or so i think)

(This is written not with the intention of making fun of Quran but i think it is totally unnecessary to be written on an official letter demanding for payment especially if it is supposed to be addressed to a non-Muslim)

Once you die, God will ask you,
Why didn't you pay back your loan.
And if you don't give a proper answer,
The 'dosa' of the loan giver will be given to you
And all the 'pahala' that you are supposed to get will be given to the loan giver.

I started shivering after that (yeah right) and called up the PTPTN office.(i called because i am a little scared, they are already barring visa application by loan defaulters, not that i am going overseas anytime soon but then again, you might never know..so..)

Below was the conversation:-

Lady1:Hello, PTPTN. (With the usual lazy voice you can hear from any receptionist in a government office, urgh!)

Me:Hello, saya nak tanya sikit.

Lady1:Ya?

Me:Saya baru dapat surat dari PTPTN minta balik pinjaman. Sekarang ni saya tak bekerja....?

Tut tut tut..

Me: (what the hell)Lady1 directed me to another line without even telling me(and i was still talking), bleedy rude..

Lady2: Hello.

Me: Hello. Saya nak tanya sikit.Saya baru dapat surat dari PTPTN minta balik pinjaman. Sekarang ni saya tak bekerja, so macam mana ya?

Lady2: You kena tulis surat minta tangguh pembayaran dan dapatkan pengesahan dari kakitangan kerajaan kelas A.

Me: Kakitangan kerajaan kelas A. Ok.

Lady2: So, that means you must send in two letters.

Me: Ha? Two?

Lady2: Yes, one from you and another from a government officer category A.

Me: I see. Okay thank you.

So guys, in case any one of you took PTPTN loan and currently unemployed, you know what to do now. i just made your life much easier. And you're welcome.=)

Sigh..hutang keliling pinggang..susah susah!

Na na na

Came online to do work but ended up chatting.

Met an India guy,a consultant or so he claims, can't understand what kick they get from talking dirty. I wanted to get information on SAP and he was talking CRAP. Rhymes doesn't it? Psycho.

Bored. Bored. Bored. And not motivated enough to start looking for a job. Dunno what got into me. Probably a bit dissapointed. Too much hype when i started the course. They said people are looking forward to hire people like us. Now, habuk pun tak ada. Irritating. God knows what happened to those Intel guys who came to our classes wanting to meet us and asked for our contact numbers. For a show? Not funny. Not interesting.

One of my application was rejected. Reason? Inexperienced. How the hell am i going to get experience if you don't give me a chance to work? Sounds like a cliche? That's frustration talking.

Whatever.

And im still juggling between the decision of working here or KL. Tough one. Plus when my body and mind is idle, million thoughts go through my head. Starts in one and goes on and on and on and sometimes i have to scream into my head, stop!

And i'm bored. Bored to death. Emails from MMU and MDC and SAP (M) are not helping either. It's driving me up the wall.

Got a call from my ex company demanding me to pay their RM42.50. Will be going tomorrow. Hate stepping my foot on that ground again. But have too..otherwise they might run at loss and close the company. I dun want to be the reason hundreds of others lose their jobs..)()*^#^%(@)()@(&@*^!!! (Translate yourself if you can)

Yeah i know. Count my blessings. I'm lucky. Others have bigger problems..

Smile...ok..that's better.

:-)

Clueless

Im back home. The ride back with my boyfriend, whom from now i shall refer as TN, his bro, another friend of his, and Kashie(till Ipoh) was great. The 5 hour ride felt short. Too short. Halfway, the friend was telling me ghost stories which freaked me till i was unable to sleep until my mum woke up to make breakfast at 6 am.(i reached home at 12am)Only then i managed to close my eyes in peace knowing someone alive was awake in the house, if you get what i mean..oh well, yeah i know..im such a chicken..a chick if you please..ahem..

The moment i reached home, it felt weird. It felt as if i have two lives. One in KL and whenever i come home, it seems as if my life resumes from the exact point i left it. Weird really. I'm kind of bored and i'm missing him so badly. God knows when i will be able to see him next but i shall not complain coz i know there's someone out there who has more heartache than he could handle, god bless you.

Im finding a gap in communicating with my parents. No, don't get me wrong. I love and respect them more than anything else and they love me too. I came home and my mum gave me an expensive gold bracelet as my graduation gift and they have already bought an expensive saree for me for deepavali,mine being the most expensive. No, don't get me wrong. Im not saying they love me based on what they give me, but it always feels that way, i always get the best from them, it's always like let 'akka' come home first before they went out for big dinner or let 'akka' see it first or something like that. But their expectations on me are sometimes a tad too high for me to fulfill but i have tried and that counts. Whatever that goes, im sad that i couldnt communicate with them. I couldnt tell them how i feel, what's going on in my life, what i want and things like that. Deep inside, i want to tell them everything. Every single thing. There's so many things that they don't know and i couldnt tell them either because there seems to be a strong thick wall of dissaproval right from the beginning.

I hate the feeling when i come home when i keep wishing i was back in KL. I hate it.They both know i have a boyfriend. Mum have never spoken to me about him until now even though she had met him twice. Dad always asks me in a way how a detective probes a suspect, such much that everytime he starts asking me something about him, i'll go 'oh no' in my heart. My parents are too engrossed in a meditation programme which they had been following from the day i was born. Worldly things don't really concern them too much. There's only devotional songs in the car, no movie cd unless i buy it and when im watching it, mum will say why can't you listen to some devotional videos than wasting your time watching this rubbish. Sometimes i get so uneasy that i usually wait until they go to bed before watching anything.

My parents expect me to follow their way. they have not really said it but i know what they want. Excel in education, marry someone they like and following the holy path of meditation. Im going the other way round and they don't really like it, i know. There's always something wrong. My hair is not nice. My dressing not good.

Deep inside im aching. Even as i write this, i'm crying. I have never felt this lonely in my life. I want to love coming home. I want to tell my mother about my boyfriend, what he did, what he bought for me, how is he, etc etc etc. I want to tell her what movie i went to watch, what i ate, what i bought. i want to joke and fool around with my father.At the same time, i want them to know im all grown up and know how to handle myself. Even when i came home, she said my jeans are too tight( i was wearing an oversized bell bottoms by the way and have no idea how it could be anything but tight) and ugly and asked me, why can't i wear all the punjabi suits that i have? Arghh.. How is it possible that i love my parents so much and they love me equally as well but there's a huge wall between us stops both sides from communicating each other's feelings? The only consolation i have are my siblings especially the youngest and im doing the best i can to listen to them and take note on what's happening in their lives whenever i could...

I don't even know where all these began...

I'm not an ungrateful child..im not..im not..im not..i love my parents. Love them madly as much as i love TN. I want them both, equally. And i want to talk to my parents, happily, unconditionally and play and joke with them. Why am i being deprived of that?

Horror

in the lab again..

checking out some stuff in jobstreet, emailing, reading blogs and thinking what to eat for tea...my stomach is rumbling...

Shalu left on Monday night. Kameeni is leaving today. Another two more days and i too will be back home. Mum called a few days back asking what the hell am i still doing in KL when the exam is over..ahem..she should know la...boyfriend here mah...

Yesterday some sort of small horror happened..i was in one of the temples in KL, not inside, but outside, waiting for my boyfriend's brother to finish praying. My boyfriend was just standing next to me and we were holding hands a few minutes earlier. Then he said he wants to re-park his car so he left. I was waiting outside,and suddenly i noticed this old man staring at me from the other side of the temple. He was squiting, probably trying to identify if it was me or not..and horrors of horrors..it was my uncle from Penang. My face was expressionless. I didnt want him to catch me there. Not that my parents dont know about my relationship, they just won't like it if some relative come up to them and say, hey, i saw ur daughter with a guy somewhere, bla bla bla..

So i walked calmly away, until i was away from his view, and then ran for my life..yeah, i ran (lintang pukang), luckily i was wearing my shoes and went back to the car and sat there alone until the brother returned...

That was the first time i had ever seen a relative in KL when i was with my boyfriend..what a horror..i do wonder if he had seen me holding hands with my boyfriend..and i wonder how i will be able to manage if he asks me when he comes visiting during Deepavali..

Ah...you saw me...where?
Temple? what temple..? i didnt go any temple..
You sure or not...Maybe someone else...
I was in campus...

;-)

By the way, i was in Mines last night, taking a walk near the small canal like thingy, and came across a wooden bridge and was eating ice cream while standing there..=) and from that point, i could see mines wonderland resort city and guess what, there is a temple in it. A hindu temple. At first when my boyfriend saw it, he said, hey, got rumah hantu all..(Ghost house)..and when we looked again, it was a temple, with there statues, one is madurai viren, i beleive, the middle i have no idea, and there third was a kalli statue, lit up with red flourecent light. And there's a railway track surrounding it, and a small toy train passed by us and the temple, with tourists inside..and there's also something like a huge cup with people it that passed through the temple and dissappeared. I have no idea why the temple is given such a creepy image, with red flourecent lights, one light flickering on and on and surrounded by a dense secondary jungle..

ok..im out of here..stomach growling beyond control..

Wohoo!

Well, say hello to the new Development Consultant For SAP NetWeaver..wohoo..i passed the certification exam on 28th!!!I shall let Shalini share the limelight...yeah, she too passed the exam but okay, back to me now :P

I still couldnt digest the fact that i passed. Halfway through, i thought i was going to fail for sure. But as soon as the 3 hours were over, the system popped my results and i was actually staring at it for a while, not knowing what that was all about when the girl in front of me started screaming softly followed by shalini, so i peered into my screen again and noticed a sentence in grey, Congratulations, you have passed the test.

Whatever it is, im kind of sad that it's all over now. On Friday i have to say goodbye for good and leave to Kedah. And i dread thinking about applying for work again and going through the routine, im going to miss my friends and my boyfriend the most, im pretty sure im going to cry as soon as i reach home, i can already imagine the pain, ergh! And all the curfews and limitations at home, im gonna go nuts..damn, i wish the classes could have gone forever and ever, i wouldnt have minded.

I'm going to miss so many things over here and after this, i have to decide whetever i want to remain with my parents or find a job somewhere in KL. Not that i have too much of a choice in Penang with SAP. Most oppourtunities are in KL. Let's see how things go.

Well then, got to go..