..........

mum got herself admitted in Medicare today.she was suffering with pain for the past few days.i really wish there is something i could do to ease her pain.it's really horrible to see her in pain and not being able to do anything to help.i pray she will get well soon.

PotPouri

on lighter note,was reading the news abt the debate in MP's meeting when Karpal Singh called BN members "makluk" and Mahathir "hantu".was laughing to myself when i read it. i really dont understand politics at times.in fact do we really need a goverment and oppositions and watch them shout and fight with each other and make the innocent people miserable? i never really liked Mahathir anyway. of course,he was a great leader but personally,he is a double headed serpent.he divided all the people and shunned the indians.

i get irritated everytime he targets the US with his sarcarsm..bush wouldnt give a damn abt him anyway but still he talks..in my mind,i picture an ant scolding a big elephant..one squash,he's dead.

in fact,with all the publicity in OIC,mahathir most probably wanted to be the head of that organization once he retired from being the PM but luckily he didnt get it.i cant imagine what will happen to the already intensively severe ties between muslims and christians if he got the post.

annoyed with the path the world is heading.self destruction.thats what all this is about...

ahh..almost forgot to add..40++ indians going for medicine..400++ malays,200++ chinese..our education system sucks..i really wish there is something i could do to help the indian student.i feel their pain and dissapointments deeply.dammit..im so angry i could kill!

typical day at work

mum's getting better. she had been taking a lot of pain killers and went to see the doctor again today morning.now at least she can get up and walk.im still worried though...

glad that i have only one more day of work for this week. then 2 days holidays.nothing much at work.been meeting a few new people here and there.met this really sweet indian girl working as a operator(sorry guys,she's taken) and she was talking nicely to me.so far everyone is okay.

while having lunch yesterday a young indian engineer (25) approached me and we started talking and he joined me again for lunch today. he told me that he will intro me to some young ppl in the company. it will be a fresh relief from talking to people way much older than me.

supervisor is on holiday for today and tomorrow so im a bit relaxed at work. the office is so cold i practically shiver and my nails turn purple.

ah...not to forget,3 days ago,i was falling asleep on the keyboard.i found it so hard to keep myself awake and when i finally managed to stop my head from nodding off to sleep in a sitting position,i looked up and i saw one japanese boss looking at me from far and walked away(deep shit).so vowed never to sleep in office..so taking 2 doses of coffee everyday (morning and afternoon)the japanese are really terrible..most of them,i mean.they wont smile and they are bloody workaholics and they make other ppl work real hard too.the engineer,selvakumar said when he was in japan,he noticed most of the japanese have lunch in less than 10 minutes (they dont talk etc) and resume back work.so mostly everyone here are like robots for 5 days per week and resume their human form by the end of the week.:P

the indians here are very nice and friendly..from the cleaners to the high post people//in that sense..im lucky.

time to eat and sleep..ciaoz..one more day for the weekend..yahoooo!!

i love u amma

had a small conversation with my sub Boss while she was sending me home from work.she said "so when u go back home,ur mum would have surely cooked some nice food for u.i cant enjoy such privilages now that my mum is gone.i guess the cycle goes on".

only after going to work and also having that conversation with her,it finally dawned to me how much mum had sacrificed herself for me and my siblings. jugling with her career and also housework,and also with her back pain(due to improper alignment of the backbone),she entirely commited herself to us.

i took it for granted that mum and dad are always there for me. i never took time to sit and think that one day they will be gone and then it will be to late for me to make any changes.

i love my parents.i have hurt them badly so many times and i regret it and even if i offer my life,it will never change anything. and deep down,they are the best people in my life and without them im nobody.

mum was having bad back pain when i left for work today.was thinking of her all day while at work. when i came home,she was crying with pain.dad just took her to the hospital.im feeling so miserable.she is really suffering with her back pain. i wish god will give the pain to me and let her be healthy.i am willing to do anything to see my mother and father happy. i love them so badly and i dont want anything to be too late.

please dear hanuman,please let my dearest mother get well..

too tired to find a title

my supervisor sends me home from work..my sub boss bought me breakfast today and she offered to take me to work tomorrow in her brand new TOYOTA VIOS. another head of a department came all the way to say and welcome to me.the other trainee is such a pleasant girl and she doesnt mind answering all my questions.the HR lady is so nice and friendly. the head of security is so polite and nice to me. even the guards are pretty charming. all in all,i should be happy but im not.

i reach the company at 7 in the morning.(i wake up at 5 am)i have my breakfast alone and then i start work.break is for 15 mins at 9.45am and then lunch at 1.00 to 1.45pm.then work till 5.30.since im following my boss back,i have to wait till 6 pm before leaving.i reach home at 7.30pm.by the time i reach home,im dead tired and exhausted.

worse still,my supervisor is strict.she is giving me deadlines and i have to solve one major problem in the system by tomorrow since she has to present it to the higher department ppl on wednesday.so im back home again with the pc and trying to figure out the problem.im exhausted.dead tired.

and somehow..i feel one part of me is dying..the part that wants to be jovial,happy and run free.im not afraid of work,i can do work but i cannot slog myself like this.it's pure torture.

work sucks!

must i?

must go work tomorrow ah?must get up early ah?crying out loud:(

what is happening?

feeling very upset after reading abt the indonesian maid abuse.i beleive the abuser should be subjected to the same kind of punishment which she had inflicted on her maid.

also watched the video where the muslims slaughter the innocent american.tit for tat huh? with the rape and torture in the iraqi prisons by fellow american soldiers,the man slaughter is done..it was gross..almost painful..worse still..they were chanting allah huakbar while cutting off his head..god never asked them to kill..religion never asked anyone to kill..what good has it ever done to be born in different religious..have different colours..languages..etc etc etc..what was god thinking when he created us?

which brings us all back to the big question..are we born with the animal instinct buried deep inside us that given the right condition and the superior feeling..the instinct rages and results in cases like this..

very dissapointed with humans..almost disgraced to classify myself as one..would have been prouder to be born as a dog..who let the "humans" out..kill kill kill..who let the "humans" out?(*singing*)

training-day 1:P

arghhhhhh..had to wake up at 5 am to get ready to work...*sob *sob..i miss sleeping till 12 in the afternoon.life as a pengangur was way much better..by 6am..was heading to penang with dad.reached the company by 7.15 am.company opens only at 8.10/(im such a good employee,he he)

was allowed in at 8.10am.receptionist was an bangladeshi guy i think..very nice and polite but spoke like a sissy.i felt so "manly" beside him..(SA,dun give comments abt the manly part,ok?).

was attended by a chinese lady.given company shoes,own locker.briefed abt company rules.got my smart card done..i look like a nervous potato in the ID card pic:P the lady asked me so many question..why im so tall..what i eat..where my parents working..how many siblings..where u bought ur working clothes(very nice) bla bla bla..she also said i am very cute which made me float in the air momentarily..:P

watched two video tapes about sexual harrassment and abt the company.ha ha..guys..the tape on sexual harrassment-paula malai ali was one of the actress in it..:P too bad im not a guy..i would have enjoyed it even more:P

visited the canteen..all working grownups.felt like a green alien with so many eyes staring at me..one part i really cannot tahan was when a bunch of indian guys(older than my dad..rambut beruban uban) making a pass at me..aduh..really cannot tahan lar.felt like puking there.other guys..got lar..one cute indian guy..taller than me..some other guys were cute also but way much shorter than me.felt odd to eat alone in the canteen with tons of people so ate all by myself in the office.pretty depressing..i was already wishing that i was back in MMU by then.

was taken to the office..my work involves java programming..applet and database and oracle..looks pretty confusing but i managed to learn a bit from another trainee who had been working since march..java compilation are done in a different manner here..using UNIX which was quite confusing at first but after she taught me..i was ok..god knows what im going to do with oracle..i know nuts abt it..

couldnt wait for the time to go home..saw a few more guys..it's just too bad that my office is filled with group up women only..no guys..oh yeah..actually there was a young guy..so fat but so perasan..should see the way he was acting macho in front of me..so irritating..

went to buy working clothes after work..actually can wear jeans also but mummy dearest insisted that i look professional(he he) so i ended up spending almost 300 for 4 skirts and 4 shirts.came home..slept until 12 afternoon the next day..still feeling very tired..

overall..first day was ok..supervisor an indian lady..she dunno anything about programming but she was extremely nice and better still,she's from kulim so she offered to let me travel with her to work..yahooo..no need to rush for public transport..

oh yeah..almost forgot to add..SA..ur darling's relative is working there in my company..u want me to do any recommendation for ur gay relationship with ur darling?wondering who im talking abt? keep guessing!LOL

4 months to do before training ends..im already counting the days..after that..im going to sleep and never wake up until a 100 years.then my prince charming will come and kiss me and i shall marry him and live happily ever after in his castle and never worry about working anymore...wishing and wishing and still wishing..

hitachi oh hitachi

not in the mood to blog..got a call from renesas (formerly known as hitachi semiconductor sdn bhd) today morning. i applied yesterday and today i got the job:P work involves java programming. place is in bayan lepas penang. kind of scared.not that im superb in programming. initial jitters.still thinking of travelling problems.hoping for a place nearby my hometown still.

work starts tomorrow at 8.10am. i have got butterflies in my stomach. wish me luck:(

ciaoz

LOL

im overwhelmed with the amount of comments that i am getting in my blog.although none of the comments have the slightest relation to what i have typed for the day:P,still i dont think anyone else have a blog with the same amount of response that i am getting.therefore i would like to organize a competition called "cekapest blog" and i sendiri "dengan muka tak malu" declare myself as the winner,he he!:P thank u,thank you "with fake tears streaming out from my eyes"LOL

arghhhhhhhhhhh!

feeling like a fool..got a call from standard chartered.they called me for an interview coming friday at 2.30 pm.the lady sounded nice and fine. the problem is i have to extend work until end of september and prem will be finishing her work end of august. then i would most probably have to live all alone in that flat for one whole month.

tried so many companies in kulim and penang..all asked me to submit resume and wait for the interview. it would probably take at least 3 weeks.

thinking of rejecting standard chartered and count my luck on other companies..really dont know what to do.what a great start to the working world..dammit!

why women lie

was checking my mails in the morning..got this forwarded mail..very funny..i am sharing the joke..read on and enjoy!

One day, a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river and
her
> thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared
and
> asked, "Why are you crying?" The seamstress replied that her thimble
had
> fallen into the water and she needed the thimble to make her living.
>
>
>
> The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden
thimble.
> "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "No."
>
>
>
> The Lord again went down and came up with a silver thimble. "Is this
your
> thimble?" the Lord asked. Again the seamstress replied, "No."
>
>
>
> The Lord went down again and came up with a wooden thimble. "Is this
your
> thimble?" the Lord asked. "The seamstress replied, "Yes."
>
>
>
> The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three
> thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.
>
>
>
> Some time later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along
the
> riverbank and her husband fell into the river. When she cried out the
Lord
> again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?"
>
>
>
> "Oh, Lord, my husband has fallen into the water!"
>
>
>
> The Lord went down into the water and came up with Mel Gibson. "Is
this
> your husband?" the Lord asked. "Yes," cried the seamstress.
>
>
>
> The Lord was furious, "You lied! That is an untruth!"
>
>
>
> The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a
> misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Mel Gibson, you
would
> have come up with Tom Cruise. Then if I said 'no' to him you would
have
> come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes' you would have given
me all
> three. Lord, I am a poor woman and am not able to take care of all
three
> husbands, so THAT'S WHY I said yes to Mel Gibson."
>
>
>
> The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it is for a good
and
> honourable reason and for the benefit of others. That's our story
and...
> we're sticking to it!
>
>

bored...

bro's all geared up for UTP. it reminds me of the time when i was so eager to enter MMU. cant beleive four years just flew by like a flash of lightning. it seems only yesterday i was doing my alpha year in melaka.

pretty bored at home.trying to keep myself occupied with programming books but i always end up sleeping after the first page:P im such a good software engineer:P

hope to hear good news from the bank..cant wait to get rid of industrial training..

sonia sonia..sokke vaikum sonia :P

india's political field finally took a twist with the victory of sonia gandhi. after years of struggle,she managed to take a stand in the election and make herself visible.

i am not a keen political watcher but somehow her victory interested me. especially with the fact that the opposing party,BJP were unhappy. their stand?"we are not sad because we lost but we are sad and angry because a non indian is going to rule the country"

on the contrary,there is nothing much an indian political leader had done for india. there's corruption.there is bribery.there is so many other things.maybe it is time to let a foreigner to rule.let us wait and see what changes she can make for india.

perhaps with her ruling,india will flourish.perhaps with that,indians will finally realise that they need a good leader with a vision to steer them towards an established nation.

after all, what is a better way to wake a sleeping giant than a kick in the gut,a spit and a slap on the face?

gooooo sonia!

A Messenger of God

it's funny how God somehow finds a way to send his messages to you..

i was sitting on the floor of my house porch,helping my brother with his woodwork for Kemahiran Hidup. as i was helping,my thoughts wandered. i was thinking about my life right now and was pondering about the future,half scared wondering what it has to offer me and speculating if i would be able to handle problems in life all by myself or just give up.

that was when,my bro and i spotted this indian lady about 40 years old,walking very fast with a towel on her head under the hot afternoon sun,heading towards my house porch. she looked abit scary,the way she was walking, and was wearing clothes which looked like they have never been washed for years and my little bro exclaimed,"who the hell is that".

she reached my house porch,made some sound trying to get our attention to look at her and then gave us some signals which we really couldnt understand. i told my brother to call my father and when he came,again she gave the same signal;flapping her arms widely like a chicken and pointing to her forehead. my dad somehow understood that she was asking for my mother. mum said the lady is mute and poor and she asked me to give the lady a big bundle of clothes which my mum had been saving and dad gave her some money. then she left.

the whole incident was funny but somehow it got me thinking.i felt as if god was telling me,"look..there are people far worse than you,still they never gave up,they are still fighting.that lady could have ended her life to ease her suffering,but she didnt.her life goes on and that's how you should be too.life might hold a lot of dissapointments and hardship for you but in the end,fighting it and still be alive makes you a complete human".

this is not the first time i have gotten this kind of indirect message.i still remember travelling back with nalin when the last semester was over and she was complaining that now she has to find work and she was sort of worrying about it. it made me feel a bit alarmed too. that was when,while waiting for the bus at the platform in pudu,a small boy,about 8 years old approached us and asked us to buy key chains from him. he was asking so many times and finally i felt so pitiful and bought one. nalin straight away said " i think that was God telling me dont complain so much,there are even people younger than you,much much younger,who have to earn for their living."

next time you feel like God has abandoned you,next time you feel alone and frustrated,look around..god has his own special way to communicate with you.it all depends on how you perceive it. life is worth living for all that it has to offer and god is worth beleiving for he is always there for you...

Bus Reminiscences

freaking tired...i almost cant feel my legs..gonna crash the bed soon..

had quite a different day today. packed everything for home and choudry sent me to the bus stop. took the 10.30 bus to pudu. .

reached pudu..saw the working man..mr pragash the great..fuyoo...u people should check him out.. with the black pants and moss blue shirt all tucked in..wow..like hrithik roshan..ok ok..enough pragash..dun perasan so much..went and ate KFC..all the while he was irritating me and i was kutuking him as usual. should see the time when he really cannot tahan with my words and his face will turn sort of yellowish greenish blue with disgust:P

damn sad while leaving..bus was at 1.30. the drivers were indian guys,one young one old..the young one asked me where im going..kulim ah? and i said yeah with a damn blur plus scared look...

then was sitting in the bus thinking about life in UNI and was feeling so sad..a few drops of tears flowed..lucky those guys didnt see me crying..

reached parit buntar..again the guy came up to me and asked where im studying..where im staying..etc etc etc..i was half scared..half sleepy..half tension..not getting much response from me..the guy went back to his cockpit( the driver's seat :P)

then the older guy came and asked if he can sit beside me..he was almost as old as my dad..then he asked if i was a tamil and told me dont get offended or scared..they were simply kacauing me..and he started talking..about old hindi actors and actresses up to the education today and also about the status of indians today..he told me about his experience driving lorry..getting hijacked and almost killed..selling pirate VCDs and struggling to make ends meet. he has 4 children and he wants to send them to university and his family (mum dad siblings) are all in india and he havent seen them for almost 30 years.he kept me occupied and it was nice listening to him..i really hope god will bless both of them and give them a better life soon..he said he enjoyed working as a bus driver..meeting new people and all...

in fact..all the while when i was traveling to and fro from KL to kulim and from kulim to KL,i have met many new characters and it was fun knowing them. once an old malay man sat beside me and he was telling me about his life history and also how life was working as a forest ranger etc etc..there was a kelantanese teacher who was briefing me about education..there was another malay man who stays in kulim and works in KL..every weekend he travels back home and i see him almost all the time if i take the plusliner bus at 4.30 pm on fridays...boy..how tiring..then there were two indian guys..kanes and tiagu..disturbing me nonstop in the bus..if i sleep..they asked me why i was sleeping..if i stay awake..they asked me why i was not sleeping ..then finally they had the courage to introduce themselves and be friends..

ahh..not to forget..i remember meeting some of my old classmates and long lost friends in the bus..ah...the time when i met a guy named paran. i worked as waitress in one of the shops for charity during thaipusam in penang and there was this guy who was disturbing and teasing the way i was bringing the food..and one week later..i was waiting for the bus in pudu..there he was..recognized me from far and accompanied me until i boarded the bus..

...sweet memories in the bus..travelling with nalin from melaka to penang during alpha years was fun. how we were shivering with the air cond and with the midnight air..sigh...

anyway...it was so nice talking to that man..learnt a lot..i realised something..people who are uneducated are actually brainy..this man i was talking too..well he was telling me about economics and how life is right now..he explained how life should be and coming to think of it..he was right..told me how lifestyle is right now..people struggling to make ends meet..how much people are stressed up with life..last time (according to him) people work about 8 hours per day and after that,they just forget abt work until the next day..now people bring work stress home..life becomes miserable ..he was also describing the american theory of economics and healthy living.

then it was time to leave..he and the younger guy said bye bye and wished me good luck..god bless them always..

im back home..kind of bored..feeling like a "pengangur"..hope to find something to occupy myself..pretty soon!

it's all over now

it's time to leave..im gonna say goodbye to four years of fun,excitement,sorry,joy etc etc etc. life in MMU has taught me a lot. to be strong,never to let go..never to give up.i met so many different characters..so many friends..although i felt awkward at first,shunning myself,locking myself in the room..keeping quiet..unable to make friends..eventually i met nice people..i managed to mingle around..i am truly blessed for god has given me good friends who always made sure i did not go to the wrong path..who were always there to listen to me..to share the fun..

i came in naive..oblivious to the world..and now im leaving as a woman who can be independant..i beleive i could handle myself well in life..thanks to my friends and the four years of "roller coaster" ride in MMU. it's all just unbeleivable..no matter how hard i try..i just cant find the right words to say it all.time just flew..

the final year in MMU was a total emotion packed year..with final year..the tension..the supervisors..the moderators..oh god..we almost cried..we almost gave up..we almost broke down but still we pushed all along,hoping for the best and in the ended..we did get the best.

these four memorable years really made an impact..from my looks to my views..everything changed..vicky,sara,pragash,sa kumaran,shankz,prem,sham,nava,kashie,kameeni,kogi,uma,prem kumar,shalini,kristin,charveen,sujen sp,nalin ( my great FYP partner:P),DJ raj (forgive me if i had forgotten to mention any other names)..u guys are my true friends..no matter what i do..i will always treasure the friendship..i will not forget all the memories we shared together..when i think about it right now..it just makes me shed tears..

i know i will never be able those four years back no matter how hard i try..all i can do is to treasure it forever in the corner of my heart and engrave it,pain and joy bundled together as a part of my life which now i am forced to close..forever..

deep sigh!

..im complaining again..this time..argghhhh...i feel like pulling my head apart..my head mind you,not my hair.anyway now i dunno where the heck to do my industrial..in standard chartered bank IT department,in INTEL kulim, or another company( i forgot the name) also in kulim..pros and cons..standard chartered bank is in KL..i can be independant and learn to be self reliant..i can do whatever i want without being confined. cons..so hard to travel,have to stay with outside,,dunno safe or not. intel and another company in kulim..easy to travel..can stay at home..cons..cannot do whatever i want...go to the grocery shop nearby also must ask permission..everything will be controlled...not that i cannot live with that..i can..but just wanna taste a bit of freedom..to know that i can survive alone.just that..not to "berpeleseran like hantu" in the middle of the night.i just wanna be able to know that in times of despair..i can still go on.after all..next will be marriage and i will have to be a slave again..dammit..why was i ever born as a girl? anyway back to the topic..does anyone have any idea where KL standard chartered bank is located exactly? i need that info..i need to know if traveling there will be easy..bus services etc...ahhh..the pain of waiting and making choices..there u go..the wheels of my complain train is churning again!

new dimension

im glad..at least i know where to find information now..im glad for the advices from the AD mr zulkifli and my academic advisor,mr ng. never knew they will be so helpful. my spirit is up..i feel better.

language a barrier?

decided to write another post..

was in front of MMU waiting for the last bus to puchong at 9 pm on friday.there were two african guys waiting for the bus too and the bus driver was trying to explain some of the routes in cyber to them. i dont know if they understood or not but they seemed to be a little bored. after all..the driver was struggling with his english and even i couldnt understand what he was saying. then while boarding the bus..two other guys came..i dont know where they are from but they were definately not malaysians..and they wanted to go to KL but the bus was to puchong and the driver was trying to tell them in BM to go to another station to wait but both of them didnt understand a word. finally the driver ended up taking them there..

it got me thinking anyway..how much language is important in our daily life..how much we have evolved..from grunts and nods..to words and then proper sentences..i stumbled upon this quote from the net..

"There grew in the centre of the earth the wonderful world tree, or knowledge tree. It was so tall that it reached almost to heaven. It said in its heart, "I shall hold my head in heaven and spread my branches over all the earth, and gather all men together under my shadow, and protect them, and prevent them from separating." But Brahma, to punish the pride of the tree, cut off its branches and cast them down on the earth, when they sprang up as wata trees, and made differences of belief and speech and customs to prevail on the earth, to disperse men upon its surface."

Hindu legend, from Wayne L. Allison, In The Beginning Was The Word: (The Genesis of Language)

Speech is so essential to our concept of intelligence that its possession is virtually equated with being human. Animals who talk are human, because what sets us apart from other animals is the “gift” of speech.In this context, then, consider the case of human language. It is one of the most distinctive behavioral adaptations on the planet. Languages evolved in only one species, in only one way, without precedent, except in the most general sense. And the differences between languages and all other natural modes of communicating are vast.What events transpired that have allowed humans to speak, while animals remain silent? If we are to believe the evolutionary teaching currently taking place in colleges and universities around the world, speech evolved as a natural process over time. Yet no one is quite sure how, and there are no known animals that are in a transition phase from non-speaking to speaking. In fact, in the Atlas of Languages, this remarkable admission can be found: ‘No languageless community has ever been found.

In fact, the origin of speech and language (along with the development of sex and reproduction) remains one of the most significant hurdles in evolutionary theory, even in the twenty-first century. In an effort “make the problem go away,” some evolutionists have chosen not to even address the problem.Evolutionist, John McCrone, put it this way:

"It all started with an ape that learned to speak. Man’s hominid ancestors were doing well enough, even though the world had slipped into the cold grip of the ice ages. They had solved a few key problems that had held back the other branches of the ape family, such as how to find enough food to feed their rather oversized brains. Then man’s ancestors happened on the trick of language. Suddenly, a whole new mental landscape opened up. Man became self-aware and self-possessed"

Nobody knows exactly how many languages there are in the world, partly because of the difficulty of distinguishing between a language and a sub-language (or dialects within it). One authoritative source that has collected data from all over the world, The Ethnologue, listed the total number of languages as 6809.

it's funny though..so many languages in the world but it doesnt seem to give us anything..it only manages to separate humans in many different ways.. and worse still..with 6809 languages..those three men at the bus stop still couldnt understand each other..talk about total waste..

MiXeD

i just realised that i am already almost 22 today..it hit me hard and i am almost afraid of it.not about getting old but the responsibilities that comes with it. soon i have to make decisions all by myself. dad and mum wont be there to do the choices for me.

it's kind of funny though..all this while i couldnt wait to grow up and lead my own life but now when the chance and opportunity is here..im almost afraid to let go.i cant complain. i just have to move on.

had great time in puchong..watched per alagan..it was soooo funny..worth the money and take my advice..dont ever go and watch secret window in the cinema..u will regret for the rest of your life;)

had lunch with pragash today in legend's. first time going there..the working man belanja:P it was fun..felt kind of sad though..after all..soon i wont be seeing him soo often..ah...growing up sucks..by the way heard SA is working 6 days per week..ha ha ha..padan muka:P

im sitting in the cybercafe again and some of the guys are playing some stupid shooting game...it feels as if i am in iraq..and jets dropping bombs here and there..:P kind of nice..kind of irritating...

he he he...

first time in cybercafe in cyber..smoke smell killing me...im gonna die of cancer soon...looks like i dun need to commit suicide..wanted to go puchong...terlepas bus...aiyo lecehnya...now gonna leave at 9 to kogi's place...gonna enjoy the weekend and then decide what to do next..im gonna watch secret windowwwwwwwwwwwww...anyone wanna join? sorry lar..not invited...:P

one mangkuk is sitting beside me putting all loud english songs..i hide hide and type this..scared he will see..might just gimme a knock on the head until i pass out..he looks like a thug anyway..aduh..smoke..loud noise..again..im switching to my complain mode..all i do is complain complain complain..i need to kick myself soon..(kameeni..pls dun volunteer in the comment section to do so,faham?)ahh..now the guy is putting eminem song..i love the music..i guess he must have read what i just typed...*tonight im cleaning out my closet..*singing like a katak puru*..he he!

im going puchong...yaaahoooooo!!!

by the way..taufik is such a nice lecturer and mr.abid..oh boy..everytime he smiles..i fall in love again and again..what a height..what a nose..what eyes...too bad he's married..sob sob* (secretly hoping he will read my blog and send me a proposal..he he;)..mr.eugene also i want...

saw harith and saravanan today..harith looks good..sara..as usually long sleeve baju and specs with his "killer" look:P

just read an article abt hell boy..it seems the movie title is changed to super sapiens in malaysia..hell is supposed to be a bad word so it's censored..aduh..then what about ali setan?ali sapien?

news today..all littered with rape..molest..sigh!dunno what is happening with malaysians today...

im going to puchong...yahooooooooooooo!!need a break...desperately..balik monday!!

Lamenting...:(

im feeling miserableeeeeeee....arghhh...i regret i regret i regret..i regret the mistakes that i made in first year and no matter how hard i try, i just cant mend it..why why why?why me? why do i have to learn from my mistakes?why cant i learn from advices? feeling like shooting myself sometimes..or perhaps jump from cyberia apartment balcony and break my neck..damn damn damn...why why why? no matter how hard i think and try to find a solution..im back in square one..all paths blocked..im just cant think straight..the walls are closing in..i just wish i could simply dissappear..without a trace...

i should stop complaining..i really should..i just need some support but the ppl who i really need are not there for me..i want to talk but no one seem to understand..but i know i shouldnt complain..i really shouldnt...but i cant help it..it's like trying to stop a dam from bursting..somehow someway i just wish i will be able to pull through..

and worse still..i actually miss sham and prem..yes yes..i admit,burying my ego deep down in my guts...i miss shahmini and pireamalla..i miss irritating sham..i miss shouting on top of my voice from my apartment to theirs..i miss all the stupid cursings we shout at each other..i miss the room "fashion shows",i miss all the gossip sessions,i miss talking stories..i miss all the kutuking..i miss all the food sharing..i miss bullying sham..i miss "mumtaz":P,i miss watching FRIENDS together..i miss all the fights and wrestling we do in the room,i miss watching ghosts movies together and the worst ever..i miss getting bullied by sham..im going nuts!

damn it

i knew coming back to campus was a big mistake.biggest mistake ever! i knew im going to suffer in pudu and i did. first of all..carrying that stupid heavy bag was like enrolling for heavy weight championship.next..who can be so dumb to wear high heels while traveling?me! and it was raining heavily.i almost slipped 1001 times..and was walking like a drunkard..unable to allign myself for the weight of the bag was pulling me to directions that i dont even want to go..it was like trying to navigate a ship. the worse was when my shoe string came out..couldnt walk and almost slipped on the road( lucky not in the middle of the road or else i would probably be writing this from hell if they have internet connection there:P) and actually i lost my balance and one stagnant taxi hood broke my fall.the driver was just standing nearby and watched me while i leaned on his car hood and adjusted my damned shoes and when i heaved my bag again,it hit the car number plate and i bent it..aduh..thats when he started scolding me but i walked off terus after saying sorry.lucky he never asked me to pay.

and while i was in that situation..a bunch of indian fellas came by and started making wolf whistles and asked for my number loudly..ok...right..i wasnt even a least bit "kembang"..at that time..all i wanted to do was to dump my heavy bag on their heads and kill them..bodo!

so soaking wet,almost in tears with slippery shoes...i walked slowly until the bus stop to cyber and finally managed to arrive safely..with a few bruises here and there..

now back in campus..i feel like a grandmother seeing all the juniors..waaaa....i dont want to grow up!i dont want to come back to campus! i hate this..hate this...hate this..miss my family and friends..feeling like a fool!:(

War is not over..?

with saddam overthrown and his sons killed,one would assume iraq will soon have a bright future and everyone would be happy. however hidden beneath all..the tortures still continue.

the torture endured by iraqi prisoners had been highlighted today. they had been striped naked,sodomized, beaten and even pissed on by the american and british soldiers. there had been assult with live wires, and worse still photographs taken while on the act with the soldies posing behind as if they had achieved something great by torturing the inmates.

i am not pro US nor pro Iraq. each country has it's own pros and cons. look at it in the simple human eye. what kind of satisfaction do they get by doing all this? we look in utter distaste when a cat chews the corpse of the bird that it had killed..if killing for food is horrible,how would we define torturing for satisfaction? what kind of craving is that?pure atrocity...

it's not just in this war..from saddam's regime to the tibetan activist to the untouchabled in india,torture had still been going on. there was an article in TIME not long ago abt a woman lawyer who was punished severely(raped,sodomized,asked to sit on a broken bottle etc etc etc) until she almost lost her mind. what drives people to do such things? there was also another acticle which i read not long ago abt the agony faced by the dalits (untouchables) in india.

Torture could be justified for saving lives. if some lunatic hides a suitcase containing a bomb in an undisclosed location, torturing him/her to find the location, before it goes off might be considered a good thing by some.however,to torment for pleasure,to satisfy the craving..no one could draw the line of justification for that.

the child soldiers,forced to the battle field in some countries..at the tender age,they learn the pleasure of killing and raping and seeing blood. there has also been the practice of drinking the blood in some places.so does that mean that there is certain "thing" in every human that, fed with the right environment,invokes the animal pleasure in us? the mind is a funny thing..it can remember everything or forget everything..it can make u successful or it can make you crazy.-http://home.no.net/rrpriddy/P/10mind.html

all these should stop. no one can decide what to do with the next human. no one has the right to agonize someone else. i guess now what my south african friend (ken) said was right...maybe it is better to shun civilization and living reclusely..feeding yourself and living for today not for the future.

however..if the seed of animal instinct of torture has been planted into us ever since we were born..what could be done to chop off the tree and kill the roots..completely?

on lighter note...going back to campus tomorrow..oh boy..that's another TORTURE..sigh!

confused

very very confused today. mind is filled with many question marks. the answers are ambigous. i dont know which one to choose...darn it!

thailand clash

the papers have been splashed with news about the riot in thailand. the news is littered with stories of mass murder and angry mobs. the word islam and terrorism has assimilated together in the eyes of the world.

however when i read the news today, the people in thailand dont have a clue about who those rioters are. the muslims of thailand are happy with the government. they are allowed to build mosques and practice their religion freely. everything was flowing properly. the riot was a shock not just to the government but also to the muslim community as well. no one knows exactly who these mobs are. who brought all these hatred into thailand?

there had been stories about students in all the muslim schools being influenced by scholars from arab,pakistan etc. they preach terrorism in the name of islam but the quran has only asked for peace. these small group has tarnished the name of islam as a peaceful religion.

what is really happening in all these middle east countries. what are they preaching that poisons the minds of the young until they are willing to die and kill?there had been small clashes here and there. everything is under control but somehow something big is going to blow and shake the world..perhaps the fall of the twin towers was just a begining...the evil poison is spreading...the middle east giant is dreaming..when it wakes up..will the dream come true and terrorize the world? who could provide the answers? what lies beneath the name-religious schools?

on lighter note..the malaysian igp had asked the thailand police to provide the malaysian address of the rioters who had fled to malaysia (as they have dual citizenship).it's funny though..if the thai police knew that..wouldnt they have caught them by now?what would he ask next? their mobile numbers? the US government can detect terrorist like hambali hiding in some other faraway countries but malaysian government?nope..they sit and wait for the address..how dumb could they get?