Lamenting...:(

im feeling miserableeeeeeee....arghhh...i regret i regret i regret..i regret the mistakes that i made in first year and no matter how hard i try, i just cant mend it..why why why?why me? why do i have to learn from my mistakes?why cant i learn from advices? feeling like shooting myself sometimes..or perhaps jump from cyberia apartment balcony and break my neck..damn damn damn...why why why? no matter how hard i think and try to find a solution..im back in square one..all paths blocked..im just cant think straight..the walls are closing in..i just wish i could simply dissappear..without a trace...

i should stop complaining..i really should..i just need some support but the ppl who i really need are not there for me..i want to talk but no one seem to understand..but i know i shouldnt complain..i really shouldnt...but i cant help it..it's like trying to stop a dam from bursting..somehow someway i just wish i will be able to pull through..

and worse still..i actually miss sham and prem..yes yes..i admit,burying my ego deep down in my guts...i miss shahmini and pireamalla..i miss irritating sham..i miss shouting on top of my voice from my apartment to theirs..i miss all the stupid cursings we shout at each other..i miss the room "fashion shows",i miss all the gossip sessions,i miss talking stories..i miss all the kutuking..i miss all the food sharing..i miss bullying sham..i miss "mumtaz":P,i miss watching FRIENDS together..i miss all the fights and wrestling we do in the room,i miss watching ghosts movies together and the worst ever..i miss getting bullied by sham..im going nuts!