Night rant

I’m back home and it’s close to 11pm. I was supposed to sit and watch something but I don’t seem to have the energy to concentrate. Was having a terrible headache yesterday. Today seem to be a tiring day. I could hardly sit still.

Have been transferred to a new place, new location temporarily since I have to deal with a new project. Met a new colleague today. The thing about my workplace is that almost everyday I’m fed with new faces since most of them are always away in different parts of the world with different projects and come to Malaysia once in a while.

This new colleague, she’s an Indian, very pretty and extremely friendly. I like her. I like my workplace. It’s great. And best of all, I’m in love with my boss. (Just kidding. But I’m totally smitten by him though)

It was tough to get taxi today. That’s the depressing part. Being dependent on public transport sucks. Doesn’t help with the fact that some drivers are pretty rude. Some are real decent fellows while some think they are the CEO’s of United Taxi Drivers, if such a thing exist.

People downstairs are eating ‘durian’ and it stinks. I love durians but hate it when I catch the whiff of someone else eating it. Don’t ask me why.

Ok. The bathroom’s empty now. Off I go to clean up and hit the bed.

Good night everyone.

Cry baby cry

I think last weekend was probably the weekend I cried the most. Ok. I’m not asking for pity nor I am a cry baby but seriously weekends alone at in the house sucks big time. I keep thinking of my home, how I wake up in the morning and hear my mum in the kitchen, sister watching TV, father and brothers tinkering on something. It feels great. Doesn’t matter if we are not doing things together but the plain sense of having them there, I never appreciated it until yesterday.

When I told Dad, he said, ‘If you miss someone, you will love them more. Anyway we also miss you too’. Good old dad. =)

I realized something. The fact that I’m alone makes me cling on to bf, expecting him to be by my side 24/7. Whenever he leaves back to his house, I am overwhelmed with some sense of lost ness. I know I should not do that. Being desperate isn’t exactly very attractive but is it wrong wanting to be with someone you love all the time? Not that he complained. He was sweet enough to accompany me but I must try to get my sense of independence back again. I hate having to depend on someone all the time. It makes me lose myself and that’s exactly how I am right now.

Lost. Clingy. Desperate.

And longing for love.

And sometimes wishing i had more work or projects so i won't have time to think of anything else.

But it won’t be long. Rest assured.

I have to get back to being myself. Like what I had written on my blog, ‘Without yourself, you are lost’.

Q&A

I just discovered the Yahoo! Answers page...You can ask whatever you want and people around the world would respond...very interesting...i have pasted the code at the bottom of my page(below hit counter)...check out the questions i have asked and post some yourself...

=)

A question...taken for granted...

I was reading a book of poems by Kabir a few weeks ago. Kabir is an Indian poet who have meditated and attained self realization of God.

In one of the poems, I can’t remember the exact words but this is what he said:-

If God and Master come to my doorstep at the same time,
I would greet Master first
Because Master showed me the way to God.

Simple but deep words.

It made me wonder. My dad told me once, if Master can show you the way to God, isn’t Master God himself?

This brings us back to the story of Jesus. Jesus was the son of God, whom once he was dead, we pray to him as God himself. But what happened when he was alive?

He was abused and eventually killed in the most unimaginable way. Why? Was it because people could not accept the fact that God’s messenger came to visit them or because he was in the form of another man? Why was it that it was easier to pray to him once he was dead?

You might be angry with those people who were brutal to Jesus.

Good.

Now ask yourself. If another man comes again to tell YOU, I can show you the way to God, what would you do? Get disappointed? Why? Were you expecting a voice from the sky? Were you expecting miracles? If God can be a voice from the sky, why can’t he be powerful enough to be in the form of a humble man?

Now...What would you do? Listen or ridicule?

I’m not expecting an answer here. It’s for you to ask yourself. I know my answers.

Life never felt so promising before.

Ramble ramble rumble

Boy, it’s Friday…Whooohooo…I can’t wait for work to be over…

Not that I have anything to do anyway…the users have not finished with their data so I’m so free after lunch…

The vendor whom I would be dealing with is coming to Malaysia, first week of March and I would be working closely with him. Just received an email from my boss. Can’t wait. Can’t wait. I don’t want to handle data anymore...


P/s: I got a huge realization while lying on my bed thinking about stuff last night but it would probably be too soon to write it down here.

Suggestions needed...

I seem to be very tongue tied every time I’m lunching with a new group of friends. I don’t understand why. Every single thing that I could think off seems to be out of place and I don’t really want to ask them about their work…Other stuff seem to be too personal… Any suggestions?

Nasty

I’m bored beyond my breaking point. I’m afraid if this goes on until my actual project starts, I might lose my mind and run wild in Tanjung Rambutan…

But, then again, you might be thinking, if she has nothing to do, she must be leaving early everyday…Hell, no. No No No! I’m beginning to leave around 7pm. Huh? Why? Because I do have work to do and it is usually assigned to me after lunch. With morning wasted away, I have to speed it up in the evening. Worse still, it’s not something that requires skills but simple tapping on the keyboard or some basic logical skills which also bores me to death.

I know…I know…First I wanted a job badly, now I have one, I’m complaining. Soon in March, I would be doing my first pilot project which probably would take almost all my time and I would be complaining of too much of work…Sigh, I don’t know what to do with myself. Coming to think of it, Tanjung Rambutan doesn’t seem to be such a bad idea at all…

Got stuck in jam after work last night. Poor Prem, she took almost 1 and a half hour to reach my workplace, and went rounding to avoid the jam, looking for place to eat. Both famished with Prem chanting ‘Makan shop, makan shop, makan shop’ like a mantra while driving… and like usual,(whenever u try to be adventurous) we didn’t find any food shop. Instead, wound up back at the road in front of my office, braved the jam and finally…finally…reached a shop near our house. Being adventurous never pays at times…I was hungry enough to eat Prem alive by then.

Now, at the food stall, let me describe it. It’s a very small cramped stall which I would never go in any normal day but Prem said the food is excellent so we went in and took a table right inside the cramped stall tent and beside us, were three guys eating away. One of them was plump and fat, and disgusting looking. Let’s call him Pig. Pig was happily smoking away, with his back facing our table and I was wrinkling my nose every time I sniffed in a whiff of the nicotine smoke. Then, our drinks arrived and my eyes noticed a slight but quick movement from Pig’s side and then, the most unpleasant sound stung my ears…

Pooottttt……

Turned out, Pig moved to lift one of his heavy butt cheeks from his chair to let go of his pungent gas and was so bloody nonchalant about it. So was his group of wild boar friends. The sound was loud enough to scare off a pack of retarded hyenas. Out of sheer shock inhaling the blatant release of the ‘poisonous gas’, I turned, shell shocked, to look at Prem, only to catch her covering the lid of her drink…Adui…

All I could do was to pray that Pig won’t release another set of his gas when our food arrives…Fortunately Pig left when our food arrived…or else, if he released another before going, I would have gagged and puked at the same time…

Bloody Pig….

It's week 2 at my new workplace...

The weekend flew by real fast. Most of the time was spent roaming around KL and also visiting Giant, Tesco and Carrefour...scouring for furniture and stuff i need for my new room. It’s all cleaned up now, thankfully. Pretty neat, though sparsely furnished.

While driving around somewhere near South City Plaza, we spotted a new condominium under construction. Bf wanted to check it out and I followed suit. It's supposed to be fully furnished and costs about 250,000. And how was it? Gorgeous...simply gorgeous. With thumb scan door security system, flat screen TV, built in shelves, and fully functional and chic furnishing, I totally fell in love with it...Now, if only I had the money...=(

Last week, while i was busy composing my blog on MS Word, a colleague of mine came over to teach me something. I quickly minimized the window...he inserted his thumb drive into my laptop and proceeded to show me and the other new guy some stuff to be done...and accidentally (let’s hope it was), clicked on my MS Window, twice..luc (man, here he comes again)...luckily I didn't write anything about anyone in the company...Phew...I’m sure he would have read or seen at least one sentence...the moment he clicked on the page, i could feel blood spurting into the veins, arteries and capillaries on my face...that was one hell of a close call...

I've gotta be extra cautious now...

Bought some pisang and ubi goreng (banana and sweet potato fritters) during lunch...the aroma is wafting through my nostrils...I'm hungry for tea and it's only 2.20 pm...

Time to read up on some stuff...Ciaoz..

Woof...

Wooohooo…the weekend is here..ah, almost here…finally…I can’t wait until the day is over..not that I have anything great planned…all I ever want to do is watch a movie tonight and sleep until 12 pm tomorrow..he he…

I’m kind of scared to comment on my workplace…I read in CLEO (this month’s issue) that you can get fired for blogging or posting pictures related to the company you are working for. One got fired for posting a picture of herself (she’s a stewardess) posing on one of the aircrafts, fully clothed in the airline’s uniform.

Not that I have anything bad to say…right now perhaps...Besides I have never mentioned my firm’s name here…hopefully no one else does either..:-P

The housemates…hmm…two are fine…the other two, well, not so fine…too early to start commenting…

Oh yeah, I’m not sure if it’s meant to be, but I seem to be making friends with the guards very well, in fact better than with my colleagues…One man is from my hometown, and he never fails to greet me in the morning..Today he called out, ‘Hello orang kampung’ and another young Indian woman guard who has a sweet face always waves at me...pretty cool huh…next step, get the CEOs that way…he he…

Back to my freezing mode again..Man, I’m beginning to write boring stuff, even I’m getting sleepy reading it back…but then again, nothing interesting has happened so far….yawn…yawn…yawn…ZZzzzZZzz……

Oh yes, there’s a couple of Indonesian SAP guys behind me and listening to them speak is like being back in the Malay Sultanate..so beautiful and delicate Malay, siapa..mengapa, terima kasih…all in a different slang…

Anyway..got work now..ciao…

(P/s: Those who commented in previous post, thanks a bunch ! =D )

Random...

It seems to be a relaxing life I’m having over here. Come to work, surf the internet, read up work stuff (for a little while), go for lunch, surf net some more, go toilet, drink water, talk to the guy next to me , with conversation that mainly hovers around,” I’m bored, why no work is given to me.” Or about our previous companies...

I know, most people would want this, but try imagining sitting staring at the monitor from 8.30am to 5.30pm, you’ll get the idea. In fact, I’m beginning to find difficulties finding blogs that I have not read yet…I mean post that I haven’t read yet in blogs I usually read…hmm…get the drift?

And seriously, people here are nice…way much better than my previous place…I think. I repeat, I THINK I MIGHT like it here…hopefully…

I’m still missing home badly…even yesterday I was feeling so miserable…When I came back home from work, the room was empty. There was no one to greet me and my thoughts immediately switched to my mother. Last time, when I come home from work, she would be waiting for me, the moment I take off my shoes, she goes to the kitchen, prepares my tea and snacks, brings them to the dining table, asks me to eat, repeatedly. In the morning, she’s up when I’m up, makes my lunch to take to work and sends me until the door. I’m not pampered, I can still survive without being showered with attention but over all that, there is something called motherly love, and I miss having it with me all the time…

Oh boy, I think I might start ‘leaking’ again…

(P/s: I don’t see much comment around here anymore. You guys not reading my blog anymore? Well, yeah I lost interest in blogging for some time but now I guess I’m back for good. Would be nice to hear from you all…do drop a note)

Getting frozen in Sahara

It's day two today. I'm extremely bored and frozen cold. I really wonder why the aircond is set to almost zero temperature...I'm shaking...shivering...trembling...

Nothing has been assigned yet. I'm just sitting around, doing nothing, occassionally walking to the washroom to..well, you know the drill..and the area near and inside the toilet is so warm, i'm begining to contemplate bringing my laptop over there to work. Oh yeah, the pantry sucks...big time...so does the office arrangement...the other branch i went yesterday looked great..but too far for me to travel..paid the taxi man MYR 21 to get there..late somemore...8.30 work, 9.30 i reached,he he...today was good, just 3-4 minutes away from the house..i came in at 8 am.

My room is in a mess. Complete mess. Couldn't find most of my things around. Went shopping yesterday, me, bf and prem. Bought tonnes of stuff.I can't wait for the weekend when i can finally get organized and get my life back...well, almost...

Hectic

I'm at my new workplace. Great place. Got my own laptop with wifi. Not bad. Went for lunch with my boss and 2 other guys. Got a little tongue tied. Not really sure what to talk. Boss is nice. Jovial.

I'm actually very very tired right now. Thaipusam was hectic. The charity shop I volunteer in annually was packed. Worked from 4pm thaipusam eve until 10 am the next day. I slept a few hours in the car, drifting in and out of sleep, awakened by the bells and announcements from the temple PA system. Worse part, right after waking up, oily faced and stink mouthed, i right away took orders again from customers...Yeah I know. Even I’m disgusted with myself...

Left at 10am to the hotel, bathed, short nap and back again at the shop until 1am the day after thaipusam...reached home around 3am.Slept. Up at 11am, to pack and leave to KL at 3pm. And last night, it was so chilly and I slept on the floor so I again drifted in and out of sleep...now I’m dreadfully tired...

Missing my family...I don't know how to express my emotions right now. Mixed. But clearly, I miss my family. Yesterday I missed my bro, coz he didn’t come over to kl to send me with my family. Cried like a baby in the car, thinking of him. Today morning, my parents left to Kedah, I forced myself not to think of them, but right when I reached the office and filling up some forms, my eyes started leaking again...Couldn't say proper goodbye just now, rushing and all...Damn it. I miss my family.

I miss them...so very much....I don’t want to write more now. Afraid will start crying in the office…

What a week..

A heart that spites

I’m not exactly sure why I actually sat down today to update my blog but there’s a lot to be said and I just want to say it.

First of all, I just logged in to some friends database and I saw a list of people who had viewed me and out popped a picture of a darned excuse of a human which triggered a whole load of sad memories and a heart full of old revenge. (No, that person is not in my friend’s list if that’s what you are worried about ;-)) People have hurt me before, many times, and eventually I learnt to forget and just wipe out their memories. Even their faces or whatever they say never really affect me anymore but this one face, this lame face keeps triggering a shitload of spite, anger and resentment in me. I could never forgive and forget. I have written about this about two years ago and I mentioned revenge then. The same revenge still boils to this very day. But I’m not stupid enough to neither waste my time on this nor take time to plan the revenge as I have a wonderful life ahead of me. Though the scar is deep, it will eventually fade away. So will the worthless memories of you and the things you did. I hope you are reading this and but I doubt it. But what do I care. I believe in one thing though. What goes around comes around and I know in my heart, this circle will be completed one day and that would be the day, the tiny dot before the circle is completed, would it be hitting back at you. My, I have never hated someone this much before.…And the dragon’s face precisely depicts how I feel right now…;-)