Charlie chaplin

for no reason, i kept listening to this song while typing up the previous posts. the voice was beautiful. from the movie charlie chaplin..titled varthai thavari vittal.. It's suits my mood i guess..(i dunno if the english translation is accurate)

TAMIL LYRICS:
(Female Vocalizing)
Vaarthai thavari ponathanaalae,
Vaalkai thavari ponathu paaru,
Naetru poluthu thirumba varuthu,
Atharkku bhoomi anumathikkaathu,
Poovai pennaa sonnavan yaaru?
Malarai aruthu maruthuvam paaru,
Vaanam tholaivaa,
Illai vaalkai tholaivaa,
Ingu vaalum manithaa,
Unmai puriyallaiyae,
Vaarthai thavari ponathanaalae,
Vaalkai thavari ponathu paaru,

(Instrumental)
Minnalukkum minminikkum thagaraaraa?
Kann irukku, kannangalthaan varallaaraa?
Pookkal ellam santhaegithaal sarugaathu,
Bhodimaram kooda ingu viragaagum,
Iraivanai oru moorai vara valaithu,
Illaram nadathida solla vaendum,
Mangaiyarin manathaiya kandu pidikka,
Mattrum oru Columbus ingu vaendum,
Mudhal muraiyaa,
Illai mudi uraiyaa,
Karaiyae illaatha kadalkaraiyaa?
Vaanam tholaivaa,
Illai vaalkai tholaivaa,
Ingu vaalum manithaa,
Unmai puriyallaiyae,
(Instrumental)
ENGLISH LYRICS:
(Female Vocalizing)
Because a promise was broken,See here, a life has gone astray,Will the life of yesterday ever return?Will this Earth allow that to happen?Who was it that said that flowers are female?Slice open a flower and look inside...Will you lose the sky?Or will you lose your life?Oh, man who walks this ground,Do you still not understand?Because a promise was broken,See here, a life has gone astray,
(Instrumental)
Are lighting and thunder arguing?The eyes are here, but the cheeks are culture,If flowers were to be suspicious, that wouldn't be right,Even the plentiful trees will become bare...Tell God to come here before us,Or else ask him merely to explain what occurred...To find the hearts of the females,Another Columbus is needed here...Is this the first time,Or is this the last time?Is this an ocean without a coast-line?Will you lose the sky,Or will you lose your life?Oh, man who walks on this ground,Do you still not understand?
(Instrumental)

he he!

ahh..how can i forget to write this down..the new car arrived yesterday..Hyundai Getz rocks..Yahoo!

Masala MIx

i have been wanting to say this for a long time but whenever i wanted to write, something much better crops up.

some old men just don't know how to behave themselves when they see young girls. just because they are rich, do they expect girls like me just go crazy over them with saliva trickling from the corners of our mouths? idiots! never knew old men can behave like this. such a waste of my time, such an irritation when im trying to concentrate on whatever that im doing. come learn from my dad lar.. PTUIK!

on other news, i was sitting at the guard house waiting room yesterday. ever since i worked in my company, i have only been there twice. once on the first day, seeing all the unfamiliar faces coming in for work, wishing so hard that i wont have to wear their ugly uniform (which i dont:D) and wondering what's in store for me for the next four months and of course, searching for cute guys whom sadly did not emerge :-( yesterday was the second time, seeing all the familiar faces leaving after work, knowing that it's coming to an end with everything completed successfully. i felt a sharp tug in my heart. nothing else to say...

the guards said they will miss me once i leave. there is one whom im particularly fond of, who wishes me good morning honey every morning and another who told me once that his mornings are only complete if he sees me.

there is someone i'm feeling completely sad to leave. the cleaning lady, savitha whom i talk to every morning and who treats me like her own daughter. i just can't forget her kindness to me. she was the one who brightened up my birthday with her gift of love. she was the reason i held on even when i was facing so much of personal problems during the first two months. how can i ever forget? how can i ever repay her? god is so cruel sometimes. such a wonderful lady but i guess god never found time to bless her. i pray that her life will change soon.

made friends with two new chinese guys from the IT department. in fact, they sent me home. spent the whole journey "kutuking" each other. it reminded me of my campus life.

i'm going to bed with slight pain in my heart..dad was right today..told him how i felt and he said, this too will pass, you learn and keep moving..life never stays the same..indeed it never did for me..

im feeling so sad..so terribly sad..

A friend indeed

im suprised. im actually feeling kind of sad, thinking that i only have a few days left for my training to come to an end.

what prompted me to feel sad? well, on friday after work, Ms. Thevi who had been kind enough to send me to work every morning took me out for a treat. We had some indian food and she asked me if i need to go home early and i said no. (i come home and i usually just stare at the walls with a blank mind :P ) so she took me to the clock and property fair in Penang. We went around and some girl even approached me with a pamplet and asked me what kind of house i was looking for? he he! Ms Thevi was looking from far with a funny smile on her face and after the gal finally left me, we both started laughing. it felt good:)

then the clock fair..i had no idea grandfather clocks are almost 70 thousand bucks..i could buy a car or perhaps a house with that sum. there was also a display of jacuzzis and french baths. wow! didn't know the french love to have transparent glass surrounding them when they bathe but it looked so good and posh. hmm..maybe i should get one..wink wink*

we went shopping at sunshine square. she bought me chocolates. finally she sent me to medicare. i went to visit my aunt who just delivered a cute beautiful adorable baby girl. (i can't wait to have one myself ;) )

before i left, Ms Thevi said she would be a lone ranger after Thursday next week since that would be my last day. she said it's good that we had spent some quality time together and said she will take me to the temple of fine arts to eat if we had the time next week. I felt so sad..still feeling it.

I got to know her on the second day at work when i got lost, unable to locate my office. Her office was nearby. i asked for her help and while walking me to my office, she asked me how i am going to travel and i told her i had no idea yet. she told me she can pick me up on her way and since that day, i had been travelling with her every morning without having to spend a single cent.

we had so much to talk about every morning on the way to work in her brand new VIOS. she often buys me breakfast outside( the canteen food sucks). sometimes when my dad can't fetch me on time, she takes me to her house and cooks for me while i play with her cute nephew. she refuses to let me off at the bus stop where i usually wait for my dad unless he is already waiting there, for fear of my safety.

i will not forget the time when we took the ferry as the bridge was jammed and we got lost, trying to find our way back to BM. it was such a funny experience.

Mind you, she is not a young lady. Ms Thevi is already 50 years old. Sigh, how can someone be a complete stranger and yet so caring, loving and sweet?

im feeling so sad..so very sad..Dammit!

:(

sigh! i really miss you
:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

Putri Gunung Ledang

asmaradana rocks! Thanks nalin. managed to download it only today. this is the only Malay song that drives me wild. the assimilation of minangkabau music with modern beat. Brilliant. Wish i could say the same about the movie but who the hell wants to waste money to watch M.Nasir in action? Yikes!

Me and myself

WARNING!
(8.20am)I’m going to debug the edit section today and I’m gonna kill myself if it doesn’t work by noon.

(8.40am)I wrote that and looked back at the JCreator. Before I knew it, I was just staring at the screen with an extremely blank mind with some background thoughts (just like an idle computer with background processes, he he) without realizing I was opening and closing the same file five times. That’s when my inner voice spoke to me.
Here’s the conversation..
Inner voice: Oi, what the hell are you doing?
Me : I dunno, dreaming I guess.
Inner voice: You are supposed to finish your work. You said you are going to
kill yourself if you don’t, remember?
Me : Easy for you to say. You didn’t study programming. You wouldn’t know the
pain so roll yourself into a small ball and keep quiet in there, you fool!
Inner voice: I don’t care. You are going to complete your work or I will kill you myself.
Me : Ok, fine. I will do my work. You just shut up!
Inner voice: Fine.
Back to work. Ciao!

and the Countdown begins...

Posting this from the office. Supervisor gave me Internet connection to find solution for a run time error. Got tired of searching. So started browsing. I know the network is monitored. God knows who in the IT department is reading this. Im gonna get into deep trouble if im caught but who cares? Another 5 days (excluding Sat and Sun) and I’m outta here.

Can’t believe 4 months just flew by. In fact, I worked for an additional one week. So that’s 4 months and 1 week. That just passed by like a bullet train. I want to say with the speed of light but then, it wasn’t that fast especially during the middle of the four months period, which, of course, was like a living hell for me.

I am feeling pretty dumb to say this but to tell the truth, I’m definitely gonna miss this, the whole routine. Months earlier, I was counting the days for September 30th. I wouldn’t say I wish it’s not gonna end. The only thing that I wish wouldn’t end is my university life but at the same time, I’m not really counting the days either. I enjoy my work and I’m so motivated to get things done. I was given an option to extend but I don’t really want to go on with this without an end (Infinite loops are never fun to deal with). I have other plans which I have to be get prepared for (no deadlocks for me).

INDUSTRIAL TRAINING..The experience was both good and bad but it helped me to find a better perspective in life. In fact, I have a clearer picture of the career path that I want to choose for my future. And life lessons? Just too many.

I met so many people, faced so many characters during this period. It polished my communication skills, made me for cautious when I’m dealing with a person and I’m definitely no more the nerdish girl who first entered in MMU with grandma’s glasses, an oily ponytail and a yellow T-shirt that says HONEY BEE. (God, what was I thinking?)

The experience also made me love programming. I used to hate it until the end of my degree. I wish I had done my training earlier. It would have helped me with my CGPA tremendously, that’s for sure.

I learnt about monopoly (not the game), I learnt where I stood in the working world, I understood the word domineering for real, I understood where sincerity stood in the outside world. I discovered the prospects of IT in the concrete environment. I learnt about humiliation and I learnt how to swallow it in one big gulp. I learnt about working hard and to find satisfaction in whatever that I do and set my heart upon without expecting appraisal from others. I learnt to appreciate those people who had always been there for me and I learnt that my friends in MMU are the best. The summarize it all, I discovered a new me.

Things are good. Everything is bright. I love this life. 5 days more…

Beautiful..just beautiful..

:D

yeehaa..two more thursdays and i am a free bird...:) freedom to go to KL, he he! big plans..can't wait:D

i have gone far .i have flown high. i hit the stars and came home..:) yahoo!!!

Valkai

...ithu oru valkai. athil nam atham adi kondre irekindrum. inthe payanathirke vali teriyum, mudivu teriyum anal karenem teriyevillei, artham puriyevillei...

LIFE 3

I hate it when people in high position act as if they own the world and order other people about. After all, what’s the big deal? You maybe in a good position but other than that, you and the rest of the people in the world are perfectly equal.

There is not reason to shout or get angry for no reason. Everything has a certain protocol, be an ethical protocol or a formal protocol. Mistakes are made. No doubts about that. To err is human. Slip-ups can be corrected. Definitely. Errors can be highlighted in a more civilized way. There is no reason to gossip, complain and scream at and about a person. All these were already taught in moral education right? They say our education system is a big mistake. Welcome to the living proof of that statement.

What is the use of emphasizing on factory protocol when your own life protocol is out of order? Good thing I am not caught up in this circle yet. I’m rebellious. When I start working for real, nothing is going to stop me. I will make my own rules. Yeah right! Then, I’ll probably be unemployed for the rest of my life anyway. Never mind. I’m intelligent. I will let the tide swallow me but I will not sink. I will make sure no one shouts at me. At the same time, I’m not going to be an ‘*** sucker’. I will come up in life because of my own abilities and wittiness, not because of lavish praises and hot gossips. And one important thing, I will accept people as who they are and I will try to help them. The respect will never fade no matter how small a person’s position is, no matter how the person looks like and I will never embarrass them in public. They will only be in trouble with me if they are extremely lazy. I just can’t stand lazy people. There is a huge difference between being lazy and being tired.

How I am going to achieve all these? Just wait and see baby..yeah..just wait and see.

LIFE 2

Do you really need to go? I’m going to miss you so badly. Whose lap am I going to lie on when I am tired of facing the world? Whose shoulder am I going to rest on when life just slaps me hard right across the face?

You have been there for me for all the crucial times of my life. I wouldn’t have made it so far without you. I know that for a fact and I’m grateful. God sent me an angel from heaven when I prayed to him to be with me.

I know you are leaving because of me and for the future. I’ll wait for your return. Nothing will distract me. That..i assure you.

LIFE 1

LIFE. Before you know it, it throws everything right at your face. Both. The good and the bad.

For me, life is so full of unfairness. I see it as a place where only the bad, the wrong, the deceitful are happy. The rest, well.. good people do suffer.

It is a very unfair game. Just see a simple example. Ice cream tastes good but it’s bad for you but veges sucks but it’s good for you. Everything excellent always has an end or has it’s own limitations. “….lived happily forever” just exists in fairy tales. Well, the bad..it just keeps coming.

I’m not complaining. After all, who am I? Just a tiny little exhausted being who wakes up at 5 am everyday and carries herself through the day without remembering her own name for five days a week. Boy, I need to get a life!

...............

Life is so boring..Sigh!

Listening to Beyonce's song "baby boy" feat. Sean Paul. the singers are good, the music is good..gooo Beyonce..

On more personal note, one dark part of my life came to an end last week. The chapter full of tears ,depression, and humiliation has ended. I have closed it and it will never be reopened it again for the rest of my life. I know it will come again but by then the black dot that stained my life will be long forgotten. There is no entry points, everywhere is a checkmate. There is no forgiveness. There is nothing. Just a big plain void. A great lesson learnt. Goodbye!

I just want "you" to know that in this battle, i emerged as the winner and you are the ultimate loser. why? i still survived it and my life is back to normal and i never gave you the chance to take what you wanted in the first place.

It will never be mentioned again. Hush baby hush!

Judgements

Funny how we tend to judge people based on their looks, their education background, the way they speak, whom they mix with and the way they think without giving a second thought on the fact that the environment they were born and brought up shaped their personalities.

I knew this person at the factory. Once I saw her outside and I was in for a shock. The way she behaved, the people she was with and the way she spoke completely disgusted me. The image distorted my mind and I was feeling so upset until Theven told me this.

“Stop it. You cannot blame her for the way she behaves. For you, it may be disgusting but for her, it’s not wrong. That’s the way she had lived since she was born and for her, she sees nothing immoral in it. You look at it from your perspective and you find it sickening but remember, there might be some other person, brought up in a better environment than yours who might find the way you eat, dress up, speak and think entirely repulsive. “

That totally changed the way I look at a person. Now when I feel a person’s behavior is inappropriate, I tell myself it is not the person’s fault but the environment that he or she was brought up in. It also got me thinking. How would I be now if I was born in the same background like that girl? How would I be if I was born somewhere else, perhaps in another country? How would I be?

This life is so full of “if” statements that go into infinite loops but unlike programming, I just can’t fix it.

That reminds me of something else. Uma once told me when you look into the mirror, the image that you see and the image that another person sees of yourself is slightly different. Why? Because you see what you want to see. Freaky!

When I look at Nalin, I always see a little green lanky monster and all these while I thought she sees the same thing. Now with this newfound fact, I wonder what she sees of herself..Ekkkk!!! (Sorry Nalin, it’s just not your day! =) )

I don’t know if I am bad but there is someone new at my work place who just seems to step on my nerves every single day. I tell myself to calm down and remind myself, “he can’t change the way he is so you better accept him as just that” but no matter how many times I repeat that to myself, he just seems to irritate me in every possible way. I don’t want to hate him because I strongly believe for every action, there is a reaction so if I detest and get aggravated with his ways, someone else will feel the same for me. (Argghhh..Now even Newton’s third law of physics seems to tick me off!)

He sits and complains about his work. He looks at my screen and breathes down my neck when I’m doing my job. When I’m busy trying to figure out a problem, he comes and asks me if I have completed my work at least twice a day. (Why on earth would I be looking at the screen and scratching my head if I had finished my work, you idiot?!) He keeps asking me to help him with his work. He never takes any initiative to learn. He keeps saying he is sleepy. (I wake up at 5 am everyday, do you see me complaining?) Every 10 minutes, he stretches himself on his creaking chair like a big fat sloppy tabby cat, as if he had just saved the world. It really makes me cringe, flinch, recoil, cower and squirm in uttermost, complete, total, absolute, unlimited, supreme annoyance. Boy, I have run out of words to describe my vexation. It feels as if someone just used my finger to scratch the wall, if you get what I mean. That guy sure irks me like hell. Bluek!

He just annoys me so much until I have just stopped talking to him altogether. Just the occasional yes, no or a grunt when he asks me anything. Everytime he turns his head to talk to me, my mind screams “Oh nooooooo!”. In fact, there wasn’t a single exchange of words today (he sits just right beside me) and I’m happy. Such an irritating specimen.

Yes, I know I’m mean but I just can’t help it. He’s a good person no doubt for when I was sick, he even offered to go to the in plant clinic to get me panadol but I just can’t stand him. Sorry, I’m no saint, just plain exasperated me. :(

Movie review

i was watching this thai movie titled Demonic beauty yesterday and somehow or rather, the title reminded me of nalin. nope,definately not the word beauty:P but the word demonic, hehe!
that was because of her yahoo id of course but most people who know her dont need her yahoo id to remind themselves that she's a demon. LOL! (sorry nalin,simply felt like kutuking you :P)

anyway..boy oh boy, Thai girls are so beautiful. everything about them is so perfect. their stature, their faces, their smiles, the way they speak..Thai guys sure ate lucky.. ahem..the hero
was quite good looking too.

the movie was pretty funny..yes, funny and not scary and coming from a chicken like me, if i say the movie was not scary, that means it REALLY was not scary. (im sure Nalin knows better)

the ghost looked like a kite and the luminious green light they used to indicate the ghost looked
more like a misplaced spotlight. it was hilarious especially the part when one of the guys will
enter the jungle to look for the ghost at night and suddenly he had an urgent need to empty his stomach..ahh..i mean he wanted to shit:) suddenly something hits him from the back. he falls to the floor, begging for forgiveness from the ghost and when he opens his eyes, he sees a pig eating his shit, har har!

okay okay, i know..no one is laughing, thats because u guys didnt watch the movie, try to get it and give it a shot, you will enjoy a good laugh and get to bed, dreaming about all the Thai beauties..i went to bed dreaming about the handsome hero, Roong..Sigh!

Continuation

i have reopened a closed chapter of my life and i dont want to ever close it back. what i saw was pure and beautiful beyond words. i was a complete fool not to see it earlier but now, i'm a fool no more. everything that had happened, it was for a reason. i see everything clearly now. im blessed. my heart is fulfilled.

no matter

No matter what I do, no matter what I think; no matter what resolutions I make, no matter how hard I try, I still can’t forget things of the past.

Even when I avoid it, it just keeps coming in, haunting me. I get so troubled emotionally and mentally. I push those thoughts aside and continue with my work but when I’m not aware, against my total consciousness, things of the past creeps in.

I’m not running away from reality. I’m just trying to forget and get on with my life but it is so hard to shake away the memory and recover from the jolt that I received when I have to face and see the same thing every five days a week.

Sometimes I want to curse the person who caused me so much of anguish, torment, humiliation and guilt but unfortunately I couldn’t do it. Why? Because it’s wrong and I was never taught to ill wish another person, not even my nastiest foe.

I’m just counting the days to depart. 19 days to leave a sore, heart breaking memory. To leave the wretch who caused me so much of torment. I will leave but not with emptiness. I entered, naïve and now I’m going to leave with a significant lesson learnt that I will not get anywhere else.

And as I had said earlier in my blog, this life is a vicious cycle. What you do now will hit you right in the face one day in the future without a warning. In other words, what goes around comes around..