no matter

No matter what I do, no matter what I think; no matter what resolutions I make, no matter how hard I try, I still can’t forget things of the past.

Even when I avoid it, it just keeps coming in, haunting me. I get so troubled emotionally and mentally. I push those thoughts aside and continue with my work but when I’m not aware, against my total consciousness, things of the past creeps in.

I’m not running away from reality. I’m just trying to forget and get on with my life but it is so hard to shake away the memory and recover from the jolt that I received when I have to face and see the same thing every five days a week.

Sometimes I want to curse the person who caused me so much of anguish, torment, humiliation and guilt but unfortunately I couldn’t do it. Why? Because it’s wrong and I was never taught to ill wish another person, not even my nastiest foe.

I’m just counting the days to depart. 19 days to leave a sore, heart breaking memory. To leave the wretch who caused me so much of torment. I will leave but not with emptiness. I entered, naïve and now I’m going to leave with a significant lesson learnt that I will not get anywhere else.

And as I had said earlier in my blog, this life is a vicious cycle. What you do now will hit you right in the face one day in the future without a warning. In other words, what goes around comes around..