A note for myself
I have been doing a lot of thinking for the past few days.
The new working place is fine. It turned out, they hired two new employees, one is me and another, a Chinese girl. I have been placed in the mainland plant while the other girl is in island. So practically I’m the new one among 30 other employees in the department who practically know each other. The department consists of 3 Indians including me, 3 Malays and the rest Chinese. I’m the only Indian girl.
The first 3 days at work last week, I was practically alone, buried in my cubicle. It was at that time, it hit me real hard that I am already working. It felt as if it was only yesterday when I was in Malacca campus, registering for my first year in university, and now I’m all grown up and working. The thought just made me so depressed. The fact that I had to eat lunch alone didn’t help either. Besides, different departments have different lunch times and most of them go out. I felt so totally alone.
Work has not really started but I was briefed on what I should be doing. The system they are going to create is basically in Java, and it’s a system to control the production goods right from the warehouse until it is shipped overseas. It has to go online by April but is intended to be completed by February. There are 3 other people in my team. I also had to learn up new software.
I was kind of scared at first; unable to accept the fact that I’m going to be working and my University life has ended. I was also afraid that I will not be able to learn up and do a good job. It was at that time, when I started thinking.
I’m also a human. An equal to every other human being. If they can do it, why can’t I? Why must I doubt my own capabilities? I will make friends with the rest; it will only take some time. At least all of them are nice to me, in a polite kind of way. All the people in my department are quite young so that makes things much easier. Even my boss is only around 30 plus. It is just a matter of time before I blend in.
Besides, I came in to work. To prove to myself that I can accomplish something. If I can’t do something, it’s a failure to myself. To seek approval, comment or praise from others is utter foolishness. Every task I’m going to face for the next few years is a test on my ability and endurance. No matter how stressed up I get, I have to face it.
The Indian guy in my department said, ‘You know, it’s so surprising that they choose you over the rest of the 29 Chinese candidates. See, it has even been raining for the three consecutive days since you arrived here.’ That’s the mark. I have to show quality in my work to make them grow faith in the abilities of an Indian.
So what if I don’t have friends in the company? Friends at work are not made to last. I have seen it. In fact, getting too close to anyone at work only spells trouble. I can count my blessings. At least I have a loving family whom I can go back to after work. At least my work place is only 40 minutes drive from home. By 6, I’m already home and still feel the sunlight on my skin. At least I have Theven who fully understand my feelings. At least the people at work are nice and polite. At least they don’t treat me like an alien. At least I have one good friend there, an old Indian guard who speaks excellent English and never fails to greet me everyday and said to me on the first day,’ I’m so happy to see another Indian in this company, I hope you stay here for many years’.At least i dont face the hassle of driving over the congested bridge everyday.
Even if all that fails to cheer me up, I still have my faith that I can hold on to and until now, it has never failed me. Even now, I'm feeling so exceptionally calm as i write this. My faith has brought me this far, I will not give up.
And even if that also fails, at least I’m breathing, aren’t I? When the breath stops, nothing else matters.
The new working place is fine. It turned out, they hired two new employees, one is me and another, a Chinese girl. I have been placed in the mainland plant while the other girl is in island. So practically I’m the new one among 30 other employees in the department who practically know each other. The department consists of 3 Indians including me, 3 Malays and the rest Chinese. I’m the only Indian girl.
The first 3 days at work last week, I was practically alone, buried in my cubicle. It was at that time, it hit me real hard that I am already working. It felt as if it was only yesterday when I was in Malacca campus, registering for my first year in university, and now I’m all grown up and working. The thought just made me so depressed. The fact that I had to eat lunch alone didn’t help either. Besides, different departments have different lunch times and most of them go out. I felt so totally alone.
Work has not really started but I was briefed on what I should be doing. The system they are going to create is basically in Java, and it’s a system to control the production goods right from the warehouse until it is shipped overseas. It has to go online by April but is intended to be completed by February. There are 3 other people in my team. I also had to learn up new software.
I was kind of scared at first; unable to accept the fact that I’m going to be working and my University life has ended. I was also afraid that I will not be able to learn up and do a good job. It was at that time, when I started thinking.
I’m also a human. An equal to every other human being. If they can do it, why can’t I? Why must I doubt my own capabilities? I will make friends with the rest; it will only take some time. At least all of them are nice to me, in a polite kind of way. All the people in my department are quite young so that makes things much easier. Even my boss is only around 30 plus. It is just a matter of time before I blend in.
Besides, I came in to work. To prove to myself that I can accomplish something. If I can’t do something, it’s a failure to myself. To seek approval, comment or praise from others is utter foolishness. Every task I’m going to face for the next few years is a test on my ability and endurance. No matter how stressed up I get, I have to face it.
The Indian guy in my department said, ‘You know, it’s so surprising that they choose you over the rest of the 29 Chinese candidates. See, it has even been raining for the three consecutive days since you arrived here.’ That’s the mark. I have to show quality in my work to make them grow faith in the abilities of an Indian.
So what if I don’t have friends in the company? Friends at work are not made to last. I have seen it. In fact, getting too close to anyone at work only spells trouble. I can count my blessings. At least I have a loving family whom I can go back to after work. At least my work place is only 40 minutes drive from home. By 6, I’m already home and still feel the sunlight on my skin. At least I have Theven who fully understand my feelings. At least the people at work are nice and polite. At least they don’t treat me like an alien. At least I have one good friend there, an old Indian guard who speaks excellent English and never fails to greet me everyday and said to me on the first day,’ I’m so happy to see another Indian in this company, I hope you stay here for many years’.At least i dont face the hassle of driving over the congested bridge everyday.
Even if all that fails to cheer me up, I still have my faith that I can hold on to and until now, it has never failed me. Even now, I'm feeling so exceptionally calm as i write this. My faith has brought me this far, I will not give up.
And even if that also fails, at least I’m breathing, aren’t I? When the breath stops, nothing else matters.
posted by BluePixie @ 8:49 PM
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