From a quote to real life...

Thoughts could leave deeper scarring than almost anything else -Madam Pomfrey, Harry Potter; Order of the Phoenix

Sigh! how true...it takes all the strength that i could muster to try to forget...but it keeps coming back to haunt...Given a chance, i want to rip off every single piece of it, every single bit of it. I will never forget, i will never forgive....never...

The scar is not healing and knowing for a fact that i did nothing to inflict it on me in the first place makes me emotions turn into a fit of frenzy.It just keeps dancing in my mind, every night, every dream, every daylight..i just can't forget...

It's not worth it to keep torturing myself like this with these thoughts, i know, i have heard those advices a million times before but still, this is something i can't wipe out, i just can't for it has already made a profound impact in my mind.

I will not rest until i have found my revenge, one day...you'll see...

And that day, it will be my turn to smile...because i was hurt beyond misery at that time...

Superficio!

Harry Potter...

Loved the movie..hated the book..until yesterday....

Order of the phoenix..picked up the book my sister borrowed without enthusiasm.

Flipped open the first chapter..read and sniggered to myself..how on earth are kids attracted to this book? Almost 1000 pages thick...goes on and on..i would rather read my history book...

Ah well, nothing else to read anyway so continued..lo and behold..started at 10pm, at 4.30 am, i still couldn't put it down...(talk about magic!)

Oh boy, it was darn well electrifying...(in chapter 23 now :D )

What can i say? I had fallen for the spell...

Readifico...and the enchantment begins..

Quote: Ask me no questions and i tell you no lies -Fred and George Weasley, Order of the Phoenix.

wanna know more? check out this Potter maniac's Page http://confusedmona.blogspot.com

Mars vs. Venus

It was brilliant, whomever who had come up with this statement, “men are from mars, women are from Venus”. I agreed, wholeheartedly.

Why?

I was reading this novel by an unknown author, titled Amazing Grace. Don’t bother looking for it. I didn’t even finish it, was frustratingly boring.

The story?

Well, typical. Working lady juggles between family and career. Faithful yet inattentive hubby. Finds life dull and dreary. Expects romance but hubby does not understand her thoughts. Meets average joe who’s a college dropout. Finds him amazingly sexy. Beginning of adulterous thoughts and I’m not sure if she does ‘it’ with him in the end coz I never finished the book.

Anyway…

The point is, while I was reading the book, I was thinking to myself. Men and women are pretty different. In the book, the woman wants attention from the man, wants him to make her feel wanted, flattered and beautiful but man thinks he doesn’t need to say out his feelings, coz it should be understood. He thinks the world of her but doesn’t say it so woman thinks hubby doesn’t love her anymore.

I guess every woman should understand, just because your husband isn’t as romantic as last time, just because he isn’t generous with praises, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have love in his heart. And every man should understand that declaring your love again once in a while doesn’t hurt anyone.

But I must say, in the end, love based on mutual understanding is thousand times better than love that needs constant confession. Ahh…what am I saying? I need both!

Agreed?

Kids, anyone?

I got an insight of how my life will be when I have kids. Hands on.

Wow, really? Yeap!

My uncle left his two kid daughters at home for us to take care of coz’ the mum is in KL, marking the SPM papers. They gonna be here for the next 13 days, from morning till late evening.

Oh sorry, did I say for ‘us’ to take care of? That actually means for me to take care of since I’m the only one jobless at home. Yup, I got promoted, from unpaid house maid to baby sitter. Hey, I’m not complaining, really! They are adorable kids, extremely cute. One is 6 years, the other about 3 years who talks like Donald Duck!

Okay, I got no problem of taking care of kids. I have baby-‘sitted’ for free since I was in form 3. Feeding them? No problem. Bathing them? No problem. Putting them to sleep? No problem. Cleaning up the mess? No problem.

Then what’s the problem?

How would you feel if you are placed with two highly inquisitive, noisy, over active kids? A nightmare!

Noise pollution? Okay, acceptable for the first 3 hours, the laughter, the shrieking, the baby talk, yeah..how cute; but if it lasts throughout the day; it’s like being hit by a thunderstorm.

Computers? Yeah, every time I switch on the computer, they faithfully come and stand behind me, as if I’m opening the gates to unleash a gigantic dinosaur. They peer into the monitor, read out aloud everything that can be seen and whatever that I type plus bug me with questions like,

“what you doing, akka?”

“Why this camel got lights, akka?” (my wallpaper is a camel, adorned with lights, with the some wordings on top)

“Be a bright spot in the city” (Insisted on reading the wordings on the wallpaper)

I went over to connect the Internet cable to the phone port.

“Why you connecting to the phone, akka? Who you calling from the computer?”

“why got dot dot all, akka?” (That’s when I type the password)

“why you typing so fast, akka?”

“see, this fella, akka; jumping jumping only” (referring to MS Word, office assistant) WARNING: whoever reading this, don’t ever think of saying , ahh…soooooo cute!

Mum said switch on the TV, then they won’t disturb you. Yeah right! My bad luck, it was National Geographic and I was bombarded with tones of questions..

“Akka, you taller than an elephant ah?”

“NO!”

“Next year, you will grow grow and become taller than elephant, right?

“NO”

(A moment of silence)
A hyppo’s image is flashed on screen.

“Akka, you taller than hyppo ah?”

“No!”

“Akka, why the hyppo fighting?”

“Simply lar, just like how you and your baby sister fight for the dolls”

A faint smile. Answer accepted. A moment of silence..A rhinoceros prances onto the screen.

“Akka, this one baby rhinoceros or father rhinoceros?”

“Father”

“Then why the horn so small?”

“Then, it’s baby rhinoceros”

I changed channel. A loud shriek.

“I wanna watch rhinoceros!!!!”

“Ok, ok!”

Ok, you can say I’m exaggerating. Fine! Agreed if I had nothing else to do at home, but I got an interview with a written test the day after tomorrow and my mind is pretty much occupied, preparing for it.

Sigh! Kids nowadays are not like us when we were small. Given a bottle of milk, we gurgle in contentment.

The thing is kids are never afraid of me. Today, the three year old was making so much of noise so I said Shhh!! and what did I get for a reply? “Hey naughty girl, you keep quiet!”

I am beginning to wonder if I should have kids when I’m married. I don’t mind the physical chores but answering their never ending questions? That drives me nuts! But then again, it’s so rewarding when they come and hug and kiss me, with their innocent love. (Stop being so sentimental, girl!)

Well, I’ll look at the brighter side. At least now I know what to answer if my interviewer asks me this question…

“What’s your weakness?”

“Kids are more frightened of a snail than of me”

Unspoken agony

For years, she hid herself behind her ugliness, nursing unexplainable agony. Everything was a jumbled void. There was no self respect, there was no faith, and there was plain nothing. It was bleak. The future promised an endless emptiness.

She had no identity. No one looked upon the lost soul. There were jeers, sickening mocks. She was ugly. Ugly. Dreadful. Hideous. It was as if all the sins of the world were crafted on her face. She had tried changing but God didn’t permit the world to be kind. It could not be hidden. She retreated to the cave of loneliness and concealed herself from the eyes of humanity.

No one bothered to extend a hand. No one heard the anguish of the veiled soul. She was the shadow ignored, overlooked.

A million tears shed did not soothe her misery. She was losing herself in her own game. She was born to live but the world cursed her with death and death was the path that she chose in the end. The grave welcomed her with extended hands.

A star was born on the far end of the galaxy but because of ignorance and the race for outer staging, it died, unnoticed. A bright light flickered and fought for attention but in the end, it dimmed in silence.

T.h.e. p.a.t.h. o.f. l.i.g.h.t.s ..()..

There...the routine life is back again...

It was a wonderful diwali. Not because of all the merry making, not because of all the money that i have pocketed so far (which by the way is getting lesser and lesser each year), not because of all the fire crackers (my uncle spent close to Rm 150 for chinese crackers, about 2 metres long which messed up the whole porch once blown). I was thinking to myself diwali seem to hold no meaning for me each year until two days later, a relative of mine passed away. he slipped and fell to his death.

I sat there in the funeral, thinking. There i was, not enjoying the days of my life to the fullest, lamenting, complaining, sighing without realising that anytime, it can be my time to go. It hurt me so bad to see his young son, playing around the coffin, running about, not realising his father is no longer around.

On the same day, i visited a very very close relative on mine and i was shocked to see him all skin and bones. i later found out from my dad that he was suffering from cancer, was too weak to go for an operation, and therefore is just waiting until his time is up.

Life is so extremely short. Death may come anytime. Let's celebrate life like it's diwali everyday. let's put every single pieces of this big jigsaw puzzle together to complete a beautiful picture.

Shit!

"We hurl through an incomprehensible darkness, in cosmic terms, we are subatomic particles in a grain of sand on an infinite beach." -Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes-

How true...feeling exactly the same. I have given up on the term hope. I have wiped out optimism from the dictionary of my life. I just blew up something that i wanted so badly. I have never felt this down in my life.

Point

Ever been to a point where you just don't know what you want in your life anymore?

Ever been to a point where you want something so badly but you keep getting dissappointed that you just don't give a damn anymore?

Ever been to a point where you keep getting dissappointed and then you get what you want but you feel you don't want it anymore?

Ever been to a point where you get what you want but you are not sure if you can handle it anymore?

Ever been to a point where some people around you start rearing their ugly sides and you can't stand it anymore?

Ever been to a point where you wake up in the morning, feeling like a zombie without a purpose in life?

Ever been to a point where you are just too afraid to have hopes anymore?

Ever been to a point where you are just too scared to make a decision anymore?

Ever been to a point where you are just not sure of yourself anymore?

I have. It sucks!

My entire life is flashing right in front of me. Everything i have done so far seems to be useless now. i feel like a tiny speck in the survival of existance.

*

A small request from the blogress:

For those who view this blog, please take a moment to pray for the recovery of Shanorfizah, the snatch thief victim who is in coma.

Thank you.

Shut up!

It makes me cringe everything i hear Mahathir make racial remarks.

The issue in Thailand. What did Badawi say? He hoped Thaksin will find a good solution to the problem. What did Mahathir say? The best solution is to give autonomous rights to Muslims in that particular state. When is he ever going to stop poking into other countries' internal affairs? How about the non-malays in Malaysia start protesting, wanting a state of our own? i can assure that all of us will be wiped clean if that ever happens.

Why, the Tamil Tigers have been fighting for the same thing for years but he never made any remarks on that. why? simple. They are not Muslims. When the Fijian Indians almost won the Vote for an independant government, the army took over, and smashed the indian influence in the country. Mahathir was busy supporting the move, receiving the army general warmly during his visit. Why not let the indians establish a goverment in Fiji then?I'm sure the reaction would have been different if the ruling party comprised of Muslims.

I heard the Muslims in Thailand are protesting because they are not treated equally by the Thai government. they are denied education rights, employment etc. that's bad, i agree but let's look into our own curtains. isnt the same thing happening here too? aren't bright non-malays denied a place in Universities?

I'm not against Muslims. i'm totally against racism. i respect Mahathir for his leadership, his vision and his capabilities but when it comes to his racial ideology, i just hate him so much. Crap!

WAaa...

Once again i'm offered something i don't really want and now i feel like kicking my backside for applying for it in the first place, i feel like punching myself for being so stupid.