Benny Salas rides his bike on a surf-covered pier in Galveston, Texas as Hurricane Rita approaches September 23, 2005.

Im out of ideas for a title

Im missing him already. Like crazy. And it has only been a few hours and he will be back tommorow but still.. And it leads me to a question, how would i be able to withstand it when i go back to my hometown.

For four years, this is how it has been, me in one corner, he miles away. And for this one month, i was able to see his face almost everyday. But it will be back to square one when i get back home and resort to crying everytime i feel the pain of missing him.

But i want to be with my family too, especially my sister and brothers. And i want him to be by my side too..ah..a major decision awaits once i finish this course..better not to think now..let me finish with the course first..

Corpse Bride-another piece by Tim Burton

can't wait to check this out!

Sigh...

I came to library at 9 today only to be greeted by a sight of young Indian boy cleaning the glass door of the library enterance. He looked about 12 or 13 years of age and he flashed me one of the sweetest smile in the world which i promptly returned.

The sight keep disturbing my mind every now and then until now. I really wishing there is something i could do to help him. that kid ought to be in school, to mingle and have fun with his peers and enjoy his childhood instead of slogging himself cleaning rubbish in the university.

So many Indian kids need help out there. I knew of this friend of mine who became friends with the cleaner lady at his office, learnt about her two teenage kids and sort of adopted them, though they still stay in their mother's place, this man takes care of them with his wife, made sure they studied well, right now, one is into shipping business in US and another is in college. I saw the college boy last week. I salute the guy who took care of them.

At least he managed to save two kids from ruining their lives. It really hurts me badly everytime i see these Indian ladies cleaning the bathrooms and toilet, mopping the floor and just going on with their lives. And it hurt me even more to see the young boy today. I can't wait to finish this course, get back a job and contribute back to my society.

Crap 3

My eyes hurt and i have these two black rings around my eyes which makes me look like an ugly panda from china. I am really extremely tired.

In and out of library. Never a sec did i dream i would be doing this again after my degree, he he..haven't really planned what i am going to do after this. No no, i mean proper plan of the future. After exam short term plan sure got, sleep and enjoy maximum then go slave myself somewhere..sigh..ok i shall perk up and say it with more enthusiasm, slave somewhere in a better place with better working condition than the previous idiotic company.

Speaking of which, they called me again, apparently i owe them 42.50 and they keep calling me to pay up and asked me to send a bank draft as soon as possible. they can't wait till after 28th when i said i will pay after i return from my exam in KL. I beleive the company wont run and would end up in extreme losses if i don't pay up. i wonder how the hell it managed to get itself listed under KLSE.

This picture just made my day. Memories..

Crap 2

Well I'm back again and it looks like i will be posting pretty often now that i have a few pcs beckoning from the side of my cubicle and there are some stuff i need to do on the net in between..

Anyway, i have done some analysis on things i have done so far and i have found ways to improve. It seems to be working, this is day 2. Hopefully my decision was right.

Learnt not to put so many thoughts in my mind at one go. I tend to be a worry wart most of the time, what if it happens this way, what if i forget, what if i dont like it, etc etc etc. Slowly learning to let go, some things are beyond my control.

Lotsa people at library. I hate that. Why can't they all ditch their books and go clubbing somewhere and let me in peace? :-P

Crap for break

I know i said i wouldnt post anything but since i have internet access here at the library and it's 2 pm and im feeling darn sleepy after tucking in at legend's, i decided to write something just for the sake of it.

Classes ended last week Friday and now it's prep time until 28th of september. Keeping my fingers crossed and working hard for now.

Yesterday was break time, didn't touch my modules at all. Just wanted to relex my mind, i simply had too. Had fun anyway until something happened and ruined the day. But it made me think of a few things while sitting down near the staircase after coming back. I guess a better approach when you are having problems is not to just run off boo hooing to someone else but rather sit down, vent out your tears and anger, and write away your thoughts, how you should have handled the situation, what went wrong and what was my mistake. I wrote away in my sms and saved it. Writing does help you to find out your mistakes.

In the library but couldnt stand some of the idiots come and talking and some even dating in the library, in the cubicle somemore. Dammit.

Have been improving my vocabulary. Found out this new blog site,full of funny stories and bad words..word of the day, CIBAI...i dunno what it means by the way..honest!

Drama

One month back in KL, i kind of learnt a few things besides the course itself. Discipline. That's one.

There has been time when i suddenly became reserved, deep in thought, sometimes when i was in library taking a break or sometimes on the way back. I kind of realised who is who and where things stand.

Sometimes when you take a step back and observe, rather than being a player of the scene, you sometimes understand the characters better than being in it yourself.

I guess it's good to just step away from the whole scene once in a while, just to see how the play assembles when you come back.

i will probably remain in this mode until i get a good grasp of reality as it hits me hard.

I know i am talking in hidden languages. But there are some things that have affected my thoughts so deeply. Not one, many. Done through observations. Funny.Although i don't think abt it 24/7, when i do, it hits like a hurricane.

Last night i was flipping through my phone contacts, it hit me again. Blank.

But that's alrite. The better you know reality, the better judgements you make next time.

Back to my life.

-no more postings will be done until sept 28-

Hiss...

Went to temple yesterday in full anticipation of seeing the snake.

The temple was dark. The lights switched off and a much smaller crowd. Went to the main alter. The place was being cleaned for special prayers. Managed to eavesdrop. Apparently the snake left around 7 yesterday. My heart sank.

Walked around the temple until I saw a group of people checking out some bushes, flashing their handphone lights. They said the snake was somewhere there. Didn’t see anything. Gave up. Stood alone waiting for Kashie to finish praying.

Suddenly she came running, the snake was back. This time, in the bushes at the back of the Goddess of Snake, Nagama’s statue. I saw it slithering in the dark, I bet that was the closest I would ever get to a snake. Just inches away.

A man came, asking us to get out and let the snake be in peace for our safety. The place was dark and the snake was too near. I mean way to near. All of us moved to the front of the statue, waiting for the snake to come back. We waited for about 10 minutes in silence. Nothing came.

I guess it was time for the snake to go. I was glad I managed to see it. Didn’t really get teary eyed or anything but just the satisfaction of being able to see it. Though I do wish it didn’t disappear so soon.

The temple was still being cleaned when we left.

Logically thinking, it was just a snake. But I wonder, why go to Amman statue? Then before it left, it went to the Nagama statue. Why not some other statue? Coincidence? I don’t think so.

Whatever it is, I personally feel the temple is a real powerful one. We went there earlier before the snake sightings and I could feel it. How? Well, usually when I go to any temple, I just ‘lepak’ and pray but when I went to this one, I was cautious of every single of my steps and each time I hear someone ‘beating’ the bell at a statue, I jump out of my skin and get goosebumps.

Just the mind? I don’t think so.

Katrina.

Funny how I wake up in the morning wishing my day would be different or something nice would happen or wishing for 1001 other things when there are people out there waking up with nightmares, without a roof over their heads, without a bed, on grounds covered in chilling water with bodies and feces floating around, stomach growling with sickening hunger, eyes stained with tears, wearing damp clothes, without a single possession, with a mob of known people turning into animals out of desperation and anger, and clutching a heart full of memories, happy, sad and haunting.

A huge scar.

Life. What a game.

~*~

qqq

It's almost the end of week 3. There's another 2 more weeks to go before the 5 weeks course ends. The course is getting boring and harder. I mean really hard and confusing. At certain times, it just doesnt make sense.

I force myself to study everyday and everytime i get freaked out, wondering if i would pass the exam. There was a moment yesterday when i was alone in the tutorial room, when i started thinking about the course real deep and started to feel the extreme pressure. It sometimes makes me so tensed up that i couldnt concentrate in what im reading. Not to mention the darned guard who keep chasing me in and out of the tutorial room much to my dismay and it wasn't even anywhere near 12 midnight.

Sometimes i dont understand MMU's policy. You cant study in the tutorial room unless u book it first, no using the facilities after midnight, no studying near the pantry in 3rd and 2nd floor near the lecturer's room. Library is always ever so noisy, people walking up and down, the scan door opening time and again. Where else can i sttudy? Inside the rubbish bin?

Yesterday the guards asked me to leave the place near the lecturers' room. Why? Staff only policy. Dumb. I was just alone, studying and not disturbing anyone. All these adds to my pressure coz i feel these idiots are contributing for my failure.

I have never been this stressed in my entire life.

I wanna go home...

Sad News

Saw this in the bulentin board today and it triggered a chain of thoughts and memories. I have lots to write but limited time. Will elaborate when i have time.

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Condolences to the family member of the late Linda Samuel Mnotoza.

Good day to all,

Dear student and staff,

We wish to inform all that, Linda Samuel Mnotoza,ID no 1001168115 from Faculty of Engineering have passed away on 31st August 2005.

We would like to express our deepest condolence to his family members and friends.

May his soul rest in peace.

Student Affairs And Sport Division
Cyberjaya.

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He was my batch student. We met in Malacca during Alpha years. Wasn't so close but at least we knew, greeted and have spoken to each other. I have no idea how he passed away but may his soul rest in peace.