Monster...

We sometimes live in a make believe world, imagining things that could not be reality, fueled by what we see and what is being offered for us to grasp.

Phew…long sentence huh…Honestly, I don’t understand the sentence either although I was the one who wrote it…he he

Anyway, the point is, sometimes we are fed with all these ideal things by everything that surrounds us that we begin to think that it is indeed the reality…But the truth is, it’s not.

And when things don’t seem to be ‘ideal’, we begin to fret, get tensed, think negative things and so on…

The same goes for relationships. In books and movies I watched, the guy seems to be ideal, so I start picturing my man to be the same. I created this make believe ideal boyfriend and imagined how he would take care of me. When I got my boyfriend, I began to expect all those ‘ideal’ things. I start relying on him to make my world perfect. At least, that’s what the movies told me. When the world seems to be pressing you down, just rest your head on the shoulders of your man and the world will fade away.

Duh!

Sure, the first one year, everything was fine. That’s when things were new and you can’t seem to breathe when you are away from each other even for a split of a second. Eventually like all things do, the hype fades and everything turns to be normal. Then, when things didn’t seem to go the way I pictured it to be, I fretted. I began to get annoyed, irritated, disappointed. I thought he doesn’t love me anymore. More fights. More shouting. More tears.

I thought he was changing. The truth is, he is still the same. Maybe a little changes but he too is human. Just didn’t fit the picture I had in my mind. With that picture clouding my eyes, I didn’t see the sacrifices he was doing for me. I demanded more and was disappointed when I couldn’t get what I wanted.

The thing is, I never realized I was wrong until recently. Just when I thought all was lost, I looked at his face again and realized how much I love him. That’s when I saw the light shining on my errors.

I just saw him as my boyfriend but never realized my role as a girlfriend. I never compromised on even small matters. I guess I sort of ‘latched’ myself on him like a blood sucker and asked for more favours…Soon the favours turned into demands and when he said he can’t make it, I became angry. I sound like a monster, don’t I? he he!

Well, I can see my mistakes now. Funny he actually put up with me so far. It’s hard to change that ideal image in my mind but at least I will try. It’s a start…and I’m sorry…