Toilet tales
Idle. That’s one way to describe me. Lazy? Nah! Don’t think so, he he!
They say an idle mind is the devil’s workshop. In my case, it’s back-to-the-future practicum. Confused? Don’t be. Here’s why.
I had nothing to do today, apart from the usual job applications, updating resume, blah blah blah bleakch..You know the story.
So I took a jog down the memory lane (yeah, a jog, not a walk, it’s time to cut the cholesterol, people!) The most significant memory was about my high school toilet.
Whoa..a toilet?
Yeah, that’s right. My greatest school toilet, which smells like the autumn moon flower… yeah right! (more like bunga taik ayam!) I don’t know what bunga taik ayam is called in English, but direct translation? The chicken shit flower! He he!
This toilet was the usual hangout place during short breaks, during the change of classes. You can check out girls combing their hairs, putting powder, makeup etc etc etc. Even Cindy Crawford won’t stand a chance against the likes of Naomi Campbell in my school.
And the brand? Revlon la, Avon la, this la, that la. And I was just stuck with Carrie Junior (powder for kids) that time. Cheh! Major insult!
And like all toilets, the walls were dedicated to the budding Shakespeares’ of my school. Those were the times when people had no idea what SMS is so they used TMS, Toilet Message System :P. All the intricate poems, written with care, complete with illustrations, and heartfelt love messages. *sob sob* (fake tears) and if you wanna know how famous you are, just peak into the toilet. If your name is written somewhere in the moss coated walls, you are one of the legendary hunks of the school. If not, chances are you are a big time Toilet Idol reject!
Coming to think of that, apart from the love wall in the toilet, (I’m kind of sure the guys’ walls were dedicated to soft porn :P), most of my school’s greatest love epics began at the toilet. Yeah, I know, that’s sad but at least my schools’ paparazzi had no problem in locating their perspective victims. All you have to do is just stand at the entrance of the toilet and watch which guy is talking to which girl. The verdict, that particular pair will be a couple and most of the time, the hypothesis never goes wrong. The thing is, this particular toilet was built during the Japanese occupation. It’s white washed, made out of wood, looks more like a wooden house than a toilet, is surrounded by a flower garden, secluded and best of all, STINKS LIKE HELL! I just don’t understand how it became a popular dating spot during school hours.
And worse of the lot, there is this teacher (Oh My God) who worships the toilet like a shrine. I’m not exaggerating. He introduced this rule that no one can enter the toilet without taking off the shoes and use the ugly flip flops provided at the entrance. And yours truly had many times defied the law and entered the so called place of pilgrimage with shoes on. Once I got caught, by the teacher.
“Oi, mana selipar?” (Oi, where are your slippers?)
“Err…Tak tau, Cikgu” (Dunno sir)
“Pi sapu tandas” (Go sweep the toilet)
“Ha?”
“Ya, pakai kasut, denda sapu tandas” (Yes, you wear shoes, the punishment, sweep the toilet”
And yes, I had to sweep the toilet but lucky that was nothing compared to four other girls who came in after me. They had to wash the toilet, scrub the floors by all fours, with water and all. Yikes! (Child labour! Wish I had known this earlier, would have taken this to the court! *damn angry*)
I must confess, I do frequent the toilet. Not that I love it, but I just had to, coz I used to gulp water like a thirsty camel. Once, right after my great outing to the toilet, my class teacher asked:
“Hey, pi mana tu?” (Hey, where did you go?)
“Pi toilet, cikgu” (I went to the toilet, teacher)
“Pasai apa suka sangat pi toilet ni?” (Why you love to go the toilet so often?)
“Suka, Cikgu. Wangiiiii!” (I love it, teacher. It smells wonderfulllll!)
And the whole class started laughing. I laughed too, like a fool :P
That’s when they started building new building with hi-tech toilets in the school and the flock changed direction. The old toilet was ignored but I still remember once, when I passed by the old toilet, that old teacher was carrying a broom to sweep it. God knows what weird connection he had with that toilet. Last I heard, he has retired. I wonder how the toilet is now.
Sigh!
They say an idle mind is the devil’s workshop. In my case, it’s back-to-the-future practicum. Confused? Don’t be. Here’s why.
I had nothing to do today, apart from the usual job applications, updating resume, blah blah blah bleakch..You know the story.
So I took a jog down the memory lane (yeah, a jog, not a walk, it’s time to cut the cholesterol, people!) The most significant memory was about my high school toilet.
Whoa..a toilet?
Yeah, that’s right. My greatest school toilet, which smells like the autumn moon flower… yeah right! (more like bunga taik ayam!) I don’t know what bunga taik ayam is called in English, but direct translation? The chicken shit flower! He he!
This toilet was the usual hangout place during short breaks, during the change of classes. You can check out girls combing their hairs, putting powder, makeup etc etc etc. Even Cindy Crawford won’t stand a chance against the likes of Naomi Campbell in my school.
And the brand? Revlon la, Avon la, this la, that la. And I was just stuck with Carrie Junior (powder for kids) that time. Cheh! Major insult!
And like all toilets, the walls were dedicated to the budding Shakespeares’ of my school. Those were the times when people had no idea what SMS is so they used TMS, Toilet Message System :P. All the intricate poems, written with care, complete with illustrations, and heartfelt love messages. *sob sob* (fake tears) and if you wanna know how famous you are, just peak into the toilet. If your name is written somewhere in the moss coated walls, you are one of the legendary hunks of the school. If not, chances are you are a big time Toilet Idol reject!
Coming to think of that, apart from the love wall in the toilet, (I’m kind of sure the guys’ walls were dedicated to soft porn :P), most of my school’s greatest love epics began at the toilet. Yeah, I know, that’s sad but at least my schools’ paparazzi had no problem in locating their perspective victims. All you have to do is just stand at the entrance of the toilet and watch which guy is talking to which girl. The verdict, that particular pair will be a couple and most of the time, the hypothesis never goes wrong. The thing is, this particular toilet was built during the Japanese occupation. It’s white washed, made out of wood, looks more like a wooden house than a toilet, is surrounded by a flower garden, secluded and best of all, STINKS LIKE HELL! I just don’t understand how it became a popular dating spot during school hours.
And worse of the lot, there is this teacher (Oh My God) who worships the toilet like a shrine. I’m not exaggerating. He introduced this rule that no one can enter the toilet without taking off the shoes and use the ugly flip flops provided at the entrance. And yours truly had many times defied the law and entered the so called place of pilgrimage with shoes on. Once I got caught, by the teacher.
“Oi, mana selipar?” (Oi, where are your slippers?)
“Err…Tak tau, Cikgu” (Dunno sir)
“Pi sapu tandas” (Go sweep the toilet)
“Ha?”
“Ya, pakai kasut, denda sapu tandas” (Yes, you wear shoes, the punishment, sweep the toilet”
And yes, I had to sweep the toilet but lucky that was nothing compared to four other girls who came in after me. They had to wash the toilet, scrub the floors by all fours, with water and all. Yikes! (Child labour! Wish I had known this earlier, would have taken this to the court! *damn angry*)
I must confess, I do frequent the toilet. Not that I love it, but I just had to, coz I used to gulp water like a thirsty camel. Once, right after my great outing to the toilet, my class teacher asked:
“Hey, pi mana tu?” (Hey, where did you go?)
“Pi toilet, cikgu” (I went to the toilet, teacher)
“Pasai apa suka sangat pi toilet ni?” (Why you love to go the toilet so often?)
“Suka, Cikgu. Wangiiiii!” (I love it, teacher. It smells wonderfulllll!)
And the whole class started laughing. I laughed too, like a fool :P
That’s when they started building new building with hi-tech toilets in the school and the flock changed direction. The old toilet was ignored but I still remember once, when I passed by the old toilet, that old teacher was carrying a broom to sweep it. God knows what weird connection he had with that toilet. Last I heard, he has retired. I wonder how the toilet is now.
Sigh!
posted by BluePixie @ 1:21 AM
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