And it all came to an end

Funny. I never expected to be in this state. Disoriented. Lost. Sad. Extremely sad. Indefinably. The sharp tug in my heart finally snapped today.

My training ended today. I guess I will never go back again but when I said goodbye today, it hurt real bad. Four months. Strangers became friends. Nervousness turned to comfort. Time passed. I was enjoying it. It wasn’t an idle period. Everything was flowing as a normal routine and without realizing, I was falling into it. I became attached to people working with me. It became a daily life. Those were people I meet everyday. A simple smile made my day bright. A greeting. A bond was made. Without a warning, it crashed today.

I am going to miss them. Every one of them, position or no position. When one of them cried today, I felt like a complete fool. I’m feeling terrible inside. I didn’t want to leave them and go but what can I do? Even if they want me to stay, I can’t. I’m sorry. This guilt is killing me.

‘I will never forget you for the rest of my life’ came from another person. I won’t forget you for the rest of my life too. Why did you all become so close to me? Now the cord is cut. Sadness is eating me up from inside.

People I never really was close or thought about were so kind to me especially during the last few weeks. Even helped me with my future with all their extremely useful tips. All the lunch outings. The last day came. The lavish gifts. The beautiful thoughts. The wonderful messages. The pure love. The hugs. The kisses. The tears. A simple handshake. Those sincere sad faces.

As an Indian, I made a point there. I got the respect that I wanted from the managers when one of them told me a few days back, ‘Thank you. Because you helped us, we are helping you’ but I never intended for the affection to flow from the rest of them. I got it too and now it’s so painful to say goodbye.

Thank you Renesas. The experience was more that I expected. When I left today, I went without a piece of my heart. The beginning met the end but it was more that what I bargained for. Sadness is tearing me up. I’m seriously crushed. Nothing left to say.

The time has come for me to move on..

"This is specially for you, Aunty. Please don't cry. Please really don't cry. I can't take it when i saw your tears today. I know when i leave there is no one to comfort you. The thought of leaving you alone itself is already making me feel like a miserable creep. Aunty, I love you and i'm not going to go anywhere. even if i am at the end of the world, i will still think of you and if you need me, i will abandon everything and come for you. You offered me your motherly love. What more can i ask from God? Take care."