Auntie Masala
It tickles my funny bone every time I think about my ever-scheming aunties. Just a few months back, right after I started my training, barely out of university, in a wedding, one of my aunties approached me.
“So, finished your studies, huh? What’s next?”
“Gotta find a job; get a house and then a car.”
“A car ok, but then, no need to get a house la”
“Huh? Why not?”
“That one your hubby can buy wan” (yeah, sure. If I marry a 50 year old Datuk, that is)
“Got any boyfriend ah?” (Damn, I knew it was going to lead to this.)
“Nope”
“Aiks, sure or not? Sure got wan” (Yup, I’m not sure if I got a bf or not, what kind of a stupid question is this?)
“Dun have lar, Auntie”
“Find one Punjabi guy lar” (Yes, I heard Punjabi guys grow on trees, I will pluck one when I spot the tree next time *eyes rolling*)
“Duwan lar, Auntie. I prefer dark, tamil speaking Indian guys”
“Gasp! (Mouth wide open like a fresh fish out of the water) Why dark? Why tamil?” (Like I just committed the most sinful thing of the century)
“Well, for one thing, I prefer to converse with my hubby in my native language and for another, I think dark guys are sexxxyyyyyyy!” (the latter part omitted from the real conversation of course*wink wink*)
“Anyway, I know this Punjabi guy who….”
(I interrupted in mid-sentence)
“Aiyo, I duwan to think about marriage all now lar, Auntie”
“How old are you now?”
“22”
“22???!!! When I was your age, I already had a kid” (Wow, what an achievement!)
“Later la, Auntie”
“When are you planning to get married?”
“27”
“27??!!! Soooooooooo old. That time sure no mapillai(groom) want you”
“Never mind lar, Auntie. I’m pretty sure your husband will still be available by then. He’s dark. Definitely my taste!” (I have no idea how I had the cheek to say this, but I said it, no kidding, while coyly looking at her husband who was standing nearby, oblivious to the conversation going on)
I flashed my most endearing wicked smile. She turned, gave me a dirty look and a word no more. He he!
I guess most of my Aunties’ mission in life is to bug me so much until I have to refrain myself from saying something impious in reply. Sometimes I don’t understand why I’m always the victim. Probably because I’m not sarcastic enough. Wait till one of them catch hold of this blog. They will happily dip their pens in blood to compose my obituary the next day.
By then, I would be halfway through to Mexico. Hehehohoho (evil plotting laugh; ardent fans of F.R.I.E.N.D.S, I’m sure you know what I mean)
“So, finished your studies, huh? What’s next?”
“Gotta find a job; get a house and then a car.”
“A car ok, but then, no need to get a house la”
“Huh? Why not?”
“That one your hubby can buy wan” (yeah, sure. If I marry a 50 year old Datuk, that is)
“Got any boyfriend ah?” (Damn, I knew it was going to lead to this.)
“Nope”
“Aiks, sure or not? Sure got wan” (Yup, I’m not sure if I got a bf or not, what kind of a stupid question is this?)
“Dun have lar, Auntie”
“Find one Punjabi guy lar” (Yes, I heard Punjabi guys grow on trees, I will pluck one when I spot the tree next time *eyes rolling*)
“Duwan lar, Auntie. I prefer dark, tamil speaking Indian guys”
“Gasp! (Mouth wide open like a fresh fish out of the water) Why dark? Why tamil?” (Like I just committed the most sinful thing of the century)
“Well, for one thing, I prefer to converse with my hubby in my native language and for another, I think dark guys are sexxxyyyyyyy!” (the latter part omitted from the real conversation of course*wink wink*)
“Anyway, I know this Punjabi guy who….”
(I interrupted in mid-sentence)
“Aiyo, I duwan to think about marriage all now lar, Auntie”
“How old are you now?”
“22”
“22???!!! When I was your age, I already had a kid” (Wow, what an achievement!)
“Later la, Auntie”
“When are you planning to get married?”
“27”
“27??!!! Soooooooooo old. That time sure no mapillai(groom) want you”
“Never mind lar, Auntie. I’m pretty sure your husband will still be available by then. He’s dark. Definitely my taste!” (I have no idea how I had the cheek to say this, but I said it, no kidding, while coyly looking at her husband who was standing nearby, oblivious to the conversation going on)
I flashed my most endearing wicked smile. She turned, gave me a dirty look and a word no more. He he!
I guess most of my Aunties’ mission in life is to bug me so much until I have to refrain myself from saying something impious in reply. Sometimes I don’t understand why I’m always the victim. Probably because I’m not sarcastic enough. Wait till one of them catch hold of this blog. They will happily dip their pens in blood to compose my obituary the next day.
By then, I would be halfway through to Mexico. Hehehohoho (evil plotting laugh; ardent fans of F.R.I.E.N.D.S, I’m sure you know what I mean)
posted by BluePixie @ 2:09 PM
<< Home