A silent wail

It's improving, slightly.

But i'm afraid...afraid that it wont last long.

I leave everything at the feet of the Lord I had grown fond of for the
past
few years.

I want to go to sleep every night without tears in my eyes, without
weight
in my heart.

I feel so lost right now..so very lost...

It feels like riding a train without a destination, without a purpose,
without any companion.

Leaping from it sounds like the only solution but it wont solve
anything, I
know.

I need to be strong, face it and go on. I need to find motivation, i
need
to find the reason and fight to be the best, i must count my blessings.

But at times like this, it all doesnt seem to help.

Again, I rest my crown and leave everything at the feet of my Lord.

I pray let his blessings guide me in this life.

I'm so lost, so depressed, nothing seems to motivate me to go on.

I feel like breaking down but i'm not a weakling, i still have
strength. I
just lack something, i just dont know what..