Screw the title

I'm beginning to feel a tiny bit of depression setting in. I find
myself
controlling my emotions very very strongly. I just hope i wont lose
grip.

I'm feeling extremely lonely at work. I dont really have anyone to talk
to.
if we talk, it's about work. No jokes in between. I wont blame them. i
just
dont know how to start or innitate a conversation. I don't know how to
make
jokes or laugh appreciatively at one. To make matters worse, they all
usually speak in their own mother tougue so most of the time, i'm lost.
I
still eat alone or bury myself in the cubicle.

Work poses a problem by itself. I feel as if 4 years in university was
a
complete waste. I'm not applying anything here. Everything is new. i
have
to learn many new languages and the dead lines to complete each
assignment
is very very short. i feel as if i'm the most dumbest person on earth.
I'm
also getting highly paranoid and feel as if my boss's eyes are always
watching me. I dont mind loads of work, as long as i know how to do it.
But
if i have not even a single clue on what the codes are all about,
that's
when i feel so damn shitty, i just wanna wring my own neck.

I'm not getting what i want from those around me. life just revolves around work place and coming home. I just cant tolerate this. I realise im making those around me suffer with my moods..

i just wanna dissapear...