whispers of the heart

there is pain in me but i dont know why my heart is so cold and hard.i find forgiveness inside of me but i could not find acceptance. i dont know why the door is shut so firmly,there is not even a single crack to find the old path back and restore it. i dont want to hurt a single soul. i am hurt myself and i dont know why i am suddenly emotionless and heartless.i feel numb. nothing matters to me anymore.i dont know if i had sinned.i do not find anything evil in my heart.just total emptiness.i want to be on my own.let time and fate decide what comes next..

i dont blame anyone for whatever that had happened. time to wake up and face the fact. there is no use in blaming anyone. it's not worth it. i dont know why i am willing to throw all the years of history behind but i know one thing..i have turned into a person without any kind of feelings..no sadness..no happiness..nothing..just a person who lives and accepts whatever that comes her way. nothing bothers me..nothing matters to me..i dont want to rely on anyone.as long as i am breathing,i can walk along the path of this life alone in complete solace..