Center-fold

Sometimes everything is crystal clear and I feel absolute clarity but there are times when everything is so cloudy that I have to sit back and wait until the dust settles before I proceed.

Today is one of those days when I can’t decide if it is cloudy or sunny or rainy. This is the time when I tell myself I need to run through, come cloud, come sunshine or rain.

Fear is there, absolute. My worldly desire and ego being fulfilled all in one go. I wanted this a long time ago, it’s in my plate now but now I couldn’t find the same desire to lift it to taste. My confidence is being blown all over with all sorts of fulfillment and demands; I’m unable to grasp to find balance. I can’t handle it. I don’t know if I could handle it. There's no familiar face to rely on.

The cloud has settled. Comparisons made and I’m not in the losing end whichever way I measure myself.

I see thunderstorm far in the horizon. Suddenly the grass seems greener in my very own meadow. The moment has arrived and I can’t afford to let it go to waste.

In this trivial pursuit, I cannot let go of my own self.

And life seems brighter when i know; when everything is like a swivel of the hurricane, i still have something that rightfully belong to me and me alone and that which i could rely on and that which could never be taken away from me.

Moments like this, my heart is filled with gratitude even when it's hailing outside...